Are you a parking ticket? Cause you got fine written all over you.

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Hey baby, if I could rearrange the alphabet U and I would have sex.

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-If I could arrange the alphabet, that would be cool.

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-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

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Man - How was your trip from heaven? Woman - Great... until now.

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Mens most noob things to say during sex: "Thank you" "Do I really get all this for free?" "Sure you don't want me to pay you?" "MOTHER!" *crying* "You`re wet down there! Did you just pee yourself? DISGUSTING!!!" "I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!" "STOP SUCKING CUZ IM ABOUT TO CUM!!"

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"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

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If you were attacked by a bear with chainsaw arms i hope it stays away from your face, because I think you're cute.

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-I wish i were DNA helicase so i could unzip your genes. -You're a loser

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Dont blame me for using moral all the time its just part of my sig...nature XD Moral: Not a pick up line, so its pretty anti.

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- If you were a booger I'd pick you first - If you were a booger I'd throw you away...

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Man: (Ugh worst food ever). Girl: U like it? Man: I love it girl! Girl: Aww, I am gonna make this every day ever! Moral: Hey, if she got big tits, then keep lying.

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Your eyes are the color of my toilet water.

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Guy: Have you ever been surfing? Girl: No; Yes Guy: Wanna surf in my jizz?

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You remind me of America. How so? Because you so fat!

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WOMAN! GO MAKE ME A SANDWICH NOW! Girl: But I do not even know you!? Man: Oh... uh.. hi sexy.. wanna get to know me?

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It's not rape if you say "Surprise!"

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Hey baby, my name is Richard Gozinia. But my friends call me Dick. Dick Gozinia.

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M: You make me wanna be a terrorist! W: Why? M: I so wanna blow on you right now...

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Nice legs what time do they open

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Skilled man enters a bar: Man: Lady, I am a scientist... Lady: So? Man: I also have black belt in several martial arts... Lady: Your point? Man: uh... I have uh... Lady: Sigh... *gets up and leaves* Moral: Knowing what and how to be attractive to women is an art on its own...

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M: Hey whats up? W: My Dick!

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Hey baby, i like your hair -girl takes off wig

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*a guy and a girl meet at a bar and has a great conversation* girl - can I borrow your phone? I told my ex I'd call him when I found someone better. boy - sure, here you go *gives phone* girl - *silence* *after awkward phone call* boy - give me my phone back girl - you dont seem to get it do you... boy - give me my phone back girl - *silence* boy - GIVE ME MY PHONE BACK YOU BITCH *boy takes out a shotgun with him and repeatedly shoots girl* *girl dodges and takes a bazooka and aims for boy* *boy manages to get out of the bar* *boy installs bomb in center of bar* *boy leaves bar* *everyone attempts to get out of bar* *boy locks the door* boy - Yippie kai yay, moth- *explosion* *everyone dies* MORAL OF THE STORY - DO NOT GO INTO A BAR

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!