A long time ago I had a vision of someone like you. I was in a psych ward, wearing a straight jacket. Would you like some blended cheese?

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - U and me - Grammer freak

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- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

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Ma'am, I'm sorry I'd like to ask a favour. Yes? Well, my penis died and I was wondering if I could bury it in your vagina?

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-Are you the sun? -No.. Why? -Because you need to stay 93,000,000 miles away from me.

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Boy: Are you Mc Donalds? Girl: Why because your loving it? Boy: No because ur fat and greasy!

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-I work for the FBI -Oh I work for the CIA, maybe we'll see each other at a meeting -Yeah I'm in the Female Body Inspector division -I'm in the Can the Idiot Absent himself division

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Him: Does your dad own a bakery? Her: Yes, Why? Him: Because I saw his advertisement in the newspaper

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Man - I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. Woman - Good cus' your breath stinks!

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Hey babe wats ur sign Caution men at work

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Is your dad a terrorist?? 'Cause you're a sex bomb.

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Q: Why are Italian girls so hairy? A: Because it turns out its a genetic predisposition in which almost all males and females have when of the Italian ethnicity, these genetics are also parts of other race types.

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Girl- Hey ily Boy- say it it just makes it that much better ;) Girl- I'm leaving you

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Hey baby! If I said you had a good body, would you hold it against me? - [ It's unknown who originally said this. Maybe it was some rowdy guy in a 1970s disco].

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"Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?" "Yes. I ruptured my bowels upon impact."

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Man: Do you like a sensitive guy? Women: Yeah, I used to be one.

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I have the smallest erected dick in town, if you don't believe me ask my mama!

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Hey, are you from Tennessee? Because you look like you are from Tennessee.

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I hate you already.

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This tux is rented by the hour, are you?

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BOY: Are you a chicken? GIRL: Why? BOY: Because I'll like you to lay on my eggs all day...

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I have a knife and a penis. Choose which one goes in you.

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-Do you mind if i smoke? -No. I dont even mind if you burn....

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Hey, you want a ride?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!