This tux is rented by the hour, are you?

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-Hey baby,what's your sign? (; -Do not enter. >_>

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it Man: It's ok, it was probably too dirty for me anyways.

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Woman: Hey you look hot and cool, wanna chat? "Man": Meh.. I just stand here with my beerglass trying to look cool in hopes that women ask me out... Woman: UGH! "Man": May I please come with you? Eh... where are you going... HEY! Moral: Trying to look like James Bond in the darkest corner of a bar is not flirting you trucking moron!

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Farewell to thy, you have been most amusing. Moral: Has left the building.

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I have a knife and a penis. Choose which one goes in you.

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-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

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I hope you know CPR, because you so ugly you take my breath away

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What happens if an Internet troll has a heart attack Doesn't matter nobody will care

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Man: "Are you a parking ticket? 'Cos you have fine written all over you!" Woman: "Are you an a**hole? 'Cos you're hairy and you smell like s**t!"

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Do you have sunburn, or are you always this hot? It's sunburn.

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"Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?" "Yes. I ruptured my bowels upon impact."

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Man enters a bar... ORIGINALITY FOR THE PEOPLE! Man: Hey, wanna go to my place later? Woman: Ok Ronald McDonald but you gotta take of your costume first and... Man: What costume? I am Michael Ja.. Moral: Stop it right there! Its too early for jokes about uh... Michael J Fox... yeah him yeah... lets keep it that way...

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Boy: Are you Mc Donalds? Girl: Why because your loving it? Boy: No because ur fat and greasy!

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him: why are you so gorgeous? her: i dont know i guess my parents had some really good sex.

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Boy: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? Girl: Did it hurt when you were thrust through the ash-filled layers of Hell?

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(At a Funeral) Male: I have a raging erection.

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- hey baby i wanna show you something - wait i wanna show you something too -what is it? -my fists

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

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You must be a parking ticket. Because you are dressed like i'd have to pay.

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Man: Well... you seem female enough at least... wanna come home? Woman?: Uh... well... okay ;) But I am a man thought ;) Man: That is disgusting! I am so ashamed! Not Woman: Oh, well sorry :(.. Man: So... as I said you SEEM female enough so wanna come home? The other man: :D I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU ASKED ME! ITS SO BEAUTIFUL... so well... NO! Man: This is not getting anywhere is it? Author. NO!

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Are you a Geodude? Cause you're face is rockin'!

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What did the priest say to the rabbi? We are both religious figures at the head of our places of worship.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!