Hey babe, where've you been all my life. Well let's see, I used to live up north in Newcastle then I moved to Liverpool and I'm just down here in London for one day on work.

-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

I scream, You scream, The Police come, It's Awkward...

*is your name angel cuz that's all i see? *is your name asshole cuz that's all i see

Do you want to see something swell?

cockface

Man: Hey lady, wanna come home with me? Woman: A man like you :D would ask a woman like me? I... I cannot believe it... sniff... excuse me this is so beautiful... ;D I want to of course of course I want to... Man: Want to? Woman: Tell you to go screw yourself moron! Man: But you said beautiful as you looked into my eyes and seemed so happy... Woman: Yes I was looking at my reflection in your eyes to avoid having to look at your disgustingly ugly face! REJECTED like a SONIC BOOM! (now that one was for the non lesb... I mean non drunk women, see? I am quite equal, even to the weaker, yet hot gender)

"Next!"

Male- You have 206 bones in your body, You want another ?

Did anyone ever tell you you smell like Catalina? Did anyone ever tell you you smell like a cat?

Guy: Your eyes are like the stars. Girl: Is it because the way they sparkle? Guy: No because they are really far apart.

Girl, did it hurt when you got dragged up all the way from hell? Moral: The hell with morals!

At a ... PUB! Man: Hey... wanna... go out with a true shinob i ninja? ;) Woman: Are you not supposed to be invisible or something? Man: You can see me? SHIT! (runs away). Moral: So what if she saw you you are all covered in a pajamas anyways...

Me noob days again: She: So, you like it here sweetheart? Me: Excuse me, why the hell are you rubbing my leg? She: Would you prefer I rub something else? Me: What the hell am I doing here anyways Duh! Then I sober up at home... And ran towards the shower, its really not that easy to drown yourself to death in a shower is it?

Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: Breaking through the earth's crust ascending from hell.

I have the smallest erected dick in town, if you don't believe me ask my mama!

Did you fall from heaven? Cause the ground around you looks like it's cracked.

Do you believe in angels? Cool, what about goblins?

Jack is riding his new yellow bicycle. His father bought it for his 12th anniversary. Jack is ecstatic to have his first ride down his street. Erick thinks its ugly.

hey baby i just came in my pants

Roses are red Violets are blue I'm using my hand but thinking of you ;)

Is there a mirror in your pocket?... Because if so, you should probably take it out and, uh, fix what you have going on there.

Business Y U No Advertise?

Guy: Hey baby, did you come by car? Girl: No I walked. Guy: Well I can make you come in mine.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!