male: hey wanna ride female: STRANGER DANGER!

Q: What did Tommy do when it was time to go to bed? A: Go to bed. Q:What did Tommy do when it was time to wake up? A: Kill him self.

If I could rearrange the alphabet i would pass on it.

Guy: Hey baby, did you come by car? Girl: No I walked. Guy: Well I can make you come in mine.

"Next!"

"Hey, I have the feeling i've seen you before somewhere..." "Well, could be, I used to be a porn actress.

Id catch a grenade for ya, but you won't do the same

Man: Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

My penis becomes hard and hard when I see your mom, but weak when I see you.

Your butt is so big that I would propably lose intrest during sex.

Do you believe in angels? Cool, what about goblins?

On your mark, get set, suck my dick.

roses are red, violets are blue, i have some money, how much are you?

Male- You have 206 bones in your body, You want another ?

You look like I could use a drink - SMC Digital

Do you work at Subway, because you're giving me a footlong. No actually, I once had a job at a local Quizno's Sub Shop. However a tragic fire killed several employees and customers at this very location. I survived, but lost have permanent Third-Degree burns across my body. My life is ruined, prick.

Do you have a mirror in your pants, because it looks like you have a dick.

NO WAIT SON ITS 999 FUCK COME ON! DONT GO "NERO SAYS WITH ME SON!" I mean that shit you pull on everyone, come on man, I posted wrong... Yeah your word is law and all that So can we like make a deal? You pay my repair wreck of a car and you can slash the damn tires yourself if you wanna later?

Girl: I like a romantic man. Man: oh yes? Girl: Yeah he would have to sing to me... Man: Ehem... cough... okay here goes:Madness? Madness! Madness? Madness! Girl: What? Man: THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A A-A-A-A-A! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! A-A-A.... Girl: EEEK MY EARS! *runs away* Man: Wait where are you going I am not even finished singing my youtube sparta mix!! Moral: When its hot, they pinch back, *wheeze*

Jdkfk

M: Hey whats up? W: My Dick!

Are you cold? Because you're just not hot.

Every girl wants to be swept off her feet... It's when you put her in the trunk of your car that she starts to freak out.

For Christmas I got some toy soldiers, To play with when I'm in bed, But I got bored with my seargents and majors, So I played with my privates instead.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!