man: would u please me with a blowjob girl: cant u be romantic ? man: would please me with a blowjob at the sunset

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Man: Oh crap I don't have a condom Woman: Don't worry I have one

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Are you cold? Because you're just not hot.

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You smell just like my mom...

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my love for you is like diarrhea. i can never hold it in

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it Man: It's ok, it was probably too dirty for me anyways.

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Shy-guy: Hey uh, girl, we have been on like 40 dates, what do you um... You know say we go to my place for once and have some drinks? Shy-girl: Eh, well su-sure I mean its been over forty dates, but ill just take coffee if its oka... Shy-guy: OMG YOU DAMN EASY SKANK! HOLY SHIT YOU WHERE GONNA GIVE IT ALL WHERE YOU NOT? LOL NO TIME FOR DESPERATE BlTCHES! Moral: Not to be confused with the slightly less popular Nintendo character Shy Guy

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(Guy mumbles a bit, then says): You don't know me, but can I get you a drink? Yeah, sure... OK. HAHAHAA!!! Before I asked if you wanted a drink I mumbled "Do you want to have sex"? And you said yes! HAHAHAA!!!

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Man: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? Woman: Did it hurt when they kicked-- *sound of gun clicking* Woman: Thanks!

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Are you from Tennessee? Because you're a fucking hillbilly.

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I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

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You allergic to semen?

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Farewell to thy, you have been most amusing. Moral: Has left the building.

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B: Can I have your number ? G: Sure.. 666

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Girl: How come you never look at me when we make love? Guy: Your face is taking away the memory of your sister's.

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Did you just fart coz you're blowing me away!

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? because I can... Yes actually, it's my new LCD Mirror Screen Protector for my iPhone.

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If you were a booger, that'd be pretty nasty.

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"I prefer animals... but your so ugly you remind me of my dog"

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It's not Rapee If you yell surprise!

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-don't sit on the table, people eat there! -don't sit on that chair, people sit there!

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-You smell nice Thanks....... -Have you ever thought of turning your sweat into perfume?

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- hey id like my order for you - ok we put extra punch with it these days

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-Wanna go to my place? -Actually, I was gonna ask you the same question. -Really? Where do you live? -In a sexual harassment class.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!