Are you from Tennessee? Because you're a fucking hillbilly.

Did it hurt? Did what hurt? When you fell from heaven.. and crushed all the people below (for a fat girl)

How do you know where gonna have sex tonight.Im stronger than you.

On your mark, get set, suck my dick.

-Hey comon baby dont be shy give me a little BlowJob -sorry im alergic to peanuts....

- you are in my mind everyday - and your in my way

roses are red, violets are blue, i have some money, how much are you?

Holla holla holla, ill be there like right now, its a bit far. But dawg, did you say you are both at work and banging a chick? Someone is bragging here yo son! Anyways, phone is dead, gotten towed like 50-60 times in total (not only the freeway), and... Nah man, its cool, you know I dont really ask for much, I mean I can still pay you something. Yeah your skinny bitch hands, you can slap me 50 times son.

Are you a magnet, because i'm attracted to you. Yes, i am. So unless you want to have sex with metal, then i suggest you leave.

Is your father a gardener? -No, why? ..Because I was wondering what a cactus like you doing in a place like this.

guy: can i rape you? girl: No Guy: great that means any sex we have from now on is consensual, thanks

A 85 year old man was at a bar, he goes up to the first hot thing he sees and asks do I come here often?

Man: If I ask you to go on a date, would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this one? Woman: (pause) Rape!

Every girl wants to be swept off her feet... It's when you put her in the trunk of your car that she starts to freak out.

Him: Does your dad own a bakery? Her: Yes, Why? Him: Because I saw his advertisement in the newspaper

Id catch a grenade for ya, but you won't do the same

Hey wanna hear about some pointless superpowers? ;)

-don't sit on the table, people eat there! -don't sit on that chair, people sit there!

when ilfe gives you lemons i squirt the jiuce in my eyes so i dont have to stare at you anymore :)

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Woman: What does ui spell?

Man - I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. Woman - Good cus' your breath stinks!

My penis becomes hard and hard when I see your mom, but weak when I see you.

I hope you know CPR, because you so ugly you take my breath away

Q: Why are Italian girls so hairy? A: Because it turns out its a genetic predisposition in which almost all males and females have when of the Italian ethnicity, these genetics are also parts of other race types.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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