Him: Does your dad own a bakery? Her: Yes, Why? Him: Because I saw his advertisement in the newspaper

thumb_up thumb_down +113

Man - I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. Woman - Good cus' your breath stinks!

thumb_up thumb_down +105

Q: Why are Italian girls so hairy? A: Because it turns out its a genetic predisposition in which almost all males and females have when of the Italian ethnicity, these genetics are also parts of other race types.

thumb_up thumb_down +53

Man: DAMN BABE YOUR SO DAMN HOT I... Woman: You know what? Im so sick of you guys hitt... Man: OOOOOOOOOOOOH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! YEEEEEEEEEES THIS IS DELISHUSH! Woman: WHAT HAPPENED? :O Man: Huh? Never mind, ZZZZZZZZZZZZ

thumb_up thumb_down +88

Hey wanna hear about some pointless superpowers? ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Hey baby! If I said you had a good body, would you hold it against me? - [ It's unknown who originally said this. Maybe it was some rowdy guy in a 1970s disco].

thumb_up thumb_down +26

BOY: Are you a chicken? GIRL: Why? BOY: Because I'll like you to lay on my eggs all day...

thumb_up thumb_down -76

A 85 year old man was at a bar, he goes up to the first hot thing he sees and asks do I come here often?

thumb_up thumb_down +103

Man: If I ask you to go on a date, would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this one? Woman: (pause) Rape!

thumb_up thumb_down +101

My penis becomes hard and hard when I see your mom, but weak when I see you.

thumb_up thumb_down +97

I hope you know CPR, because you so ugly you take my breath away

thumb_up thumb_down +71

Q: What did Tommy do when it was time to go to bed? A: Go to bed. Q:What did Tommy do when it was time to wake up? A: Kill him self.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Hey baby, can I cream in your chocolate?

thumb_up thumb_down -47

-Do you come here often? -Yeah, but now that you're here, I think I'll find another bar.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

-Go on don't be shy, Ask me out. -Okay Go out.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Me: You know what bitch... You are *burp* such a bitch... That I am just gonna smear peanut butter on my crotch and... Lady: Dude, I am a man but okay! Me: You are a guy? Did you have to tell me that? I mean I got beer googles but I hear perfectly well! Then his girlfriend which happened to be my cousin showed up and... *facepalm*

thumb_up thumb_down -37

I AM FAGNETO! WELCOME TO GAY!

thumb_up thumb_down -137

If you were my daughter id still be bathing you

thumb_up thumb_down +148

Man: Lets have some fun ;) Woman: Sure! Man: Starts telling jokes. Woman: Funny but I thought... Man: What? Woman: Well its a bit uh... silly of me but I thought that we where getting at your place, having a drink and... Man: What? I said fun, not date rape! Woman: Wow... this is really getting nowhere is it? Author: Hell no! Moral: This "anti-pickup" was not even finished and you want a moral too? Pssssssssssssssssshhhhh....

thumb_up thumb_down -62

NO WAIT SON ITS 999 FUCK COME ON! DONT GO "NERO SAYS WITH ME SON!" I mean that shit you pull on everyone, come on man, I posted wrong... Yeah your word is law and all that So can we like make a deal? You pay my repair wreck of a car and you can slash the damn tires yourself if you wanna later?

thumb_up thumb_down -88

-Is that a sonic screwdriver in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? -Do I look like a Time Lord? (Only Doctor Who fans will get that.)

thumb_up thumb_down -112

Male: Are you from Tennessee? Female: Why? Male: Cus you look like an inbred hick

thumb_up thumb_down +33

- Can I buy you a drink? - Yes, providing you f**k off immediately afterwards and I never have the misfortune to see or smell you ever again.

thumb_up thumb_down -105

Roses are red, Violets are Blue, Dont talk to me, and I wont talk to you.

thumb_up thumb_down -109

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!