Hi I am THE MORAL MAN! Moral: I am not famous enough yet it seems... except around my block where woman screams have been so loud people have called the cops... RAWRS... yeah I am bragging, but at least its the truth... (I cant wait for the day I am so famous that I walk into a bar and tell women that I am Moral man and run before they beat me to death)

Are you a beaver? Because your overbite seems to be made for my wood. Moral: Take what you see, improve it, and steal the glory... We all do it... maybe not as obvious as this... but judging me badly would be hypocrisy...

Him: Does your dad own a bakery? Her: Yes, Why? Him: Because I saw his advertisement in the newspaper

Id catch a grenade for ya, but you won't do the same

-Go on don't be shy, Ask me out. -Okay Go out.

BOY: Are you a chicken? GIRL: Why? BOY: Because I'll like you to lay on my eggs all day...

-don't sit on the table, people eat there! -don't sit on that chair, people sit there!

I AM FAGNETO! WELCOME TO GAY!

Man: If I ask you to go on a date, would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this one? Woman: (pause) Rape!

when ilfe gives you lemons i squirt the jiuce in my eyes so i dont have to stare at you anymore :)

-Want to get on your knees and suck my dick? -No thanks, I have enough Tic Tacs at home.

Hey baby! If I said you had a good body, would you hold it against me? - [ It's unknown who originally said this. Maybe it was some rowdy guy in a 1970s disco].

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Woman: What does ui spell?

A 85 year old man was at a bar, he goes up to the first hot thing he sees and asks do I come here often?

Man - I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. Woman - Good cus' your breath stinks!

Male: Hey babe! Wanna come to my house for a party? Female: Sorry! Don't have my herpes shot!

Hey baby, can I cream in your chocolate?

I hope you know CPR, because you so ugly you take my breath away

Roses are red, Violets are Blue, Dont talk to me, and I wont talk to you.

If you were my daughter id still be bathing you

Me: You know what bitch... You are *burp* such a bitch... That I am just gonna smear peanut butter on my crotch and... Lady: Dude, I am a man but okay! Me: You are a guy? Did you have to tell me that? I mean I got beer googles but I hear perfectly well! Then his girlfriend which happened to be my cousin showed up and... *facepalm*

NO WAIT SON ITS 999 FUCK COME ON! DONT GO "NERO SAYS WITH ME SON!" I mean that shit you pull on everyone, come on man, I posted wrong... Yeah your word is law and all that So can we like make a deal? You pay my repair wreck of a car and you can slash the damn tires yourself if you wanna later?

You wanna have sex and get married?? Ok... Sorry.

—do you believe in love at first sight or shall I come back again? —no, and I think you shall not come back ever.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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