The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it Man: It's ok, it was probably too dirty for me anyways.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I right next to each other. You say that you want me? Well don't what you come for!!

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Hey, are you from Tennessee? Because you look like you are from Tennessee.

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-Do you mind if i smoke? -No. I dont even mind if you burn....

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Are you a magnet because I'm attracted to you No, but I am trained in several martial art, so get the heck away from me

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Man enters a bar... ORIGINALITY FOR THE PEOPLE! Man: Hey, wanna go to my place later? Woman: Ok Ronald McDonald but you gotta take of your costume first and... Man: What costume? I am Michael Ja.. Moral: Stop it right there! Its too early for jokes about uh... Michael J Fox... yeah him yeah... lets keep it that way...

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Are you a Geodude? Cause you're face is rockin'!

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Boy: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? Girl: Did it hurt when you were thrust through the ash-filled layers of Hell?

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Shall I compare you to a summer's day? Damn you're hot!

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-I work for the FBI -Oh I work for the CIA, maybe we'll see each other at a meeting -Yeah I'm in the Female Body Inspector division -I'm in the Can the Idiot Absent himself division

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Guy: You look two times as beautiful with makup on. Girl: Really? I think you would too.

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- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

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This tux is rented by the hour, are you?

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Roses are red, Violets are Blue, Dont talk to me, and I wont talk to you.

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-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

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male-"Do you have a rape fetish?" fenale-"No, i don't" male-"Ohh... Well you're not going enjoy this."

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adam burdass

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You wanna have sex and get married?? Ok... Sorry.

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Let's not turn this rape... into a murder

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I have the smallest erected dick in town, if you don't believe me ask my mama!

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

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If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

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-Are you the sun? -No.. Why? -Because you need to stay 93,000,000 miles away from me.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!