What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

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He: Hey bay wanna danc- She: Leave.

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Sorry, I don't wanna date a guy who's best pickup line is cocaine.

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Girl: How come you never look at me when we make love? Guy: Your face is taking away the memory of your sister's.

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male: wanna come in for a coffea? female: ok (she has a coffea) male: ok by female: by

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I right next to each other. You say that you want me? Well don't what you come for!!

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that shirt looks nice on you, it would look better on the floor

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Male- You have 206 bones in your body, You want another ?

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guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

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Female: You're hot! Male: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha get in the van.

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He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

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At a drinking place :P: Man: You dare mock the great Sh... Woman: I am sorry I did not mean to humiliate that much... ehehehehe you are just a stupid jlttle nerd and all... :) Man: You will die moral... Woman: What?! Uh... did I mention how awesome you are? What was your name again? Man: You weak pathetic fool! 8 hours later: Woman: Please! Let me stay! Just for a little longer! Barman: Sigh... fine have a drink on the house. Woman: *sips drink and dies* Barman: Mission complete sir, she died instantly! Man: Instantly without pain? THAT WAS PATHETIC! Now... SUICIDE! Barman: No I refuse! Man: Drink it... or face the true WRATH OF SHAO KAHN! Barman: The true wrath? ANYTHING BUT THAT!*Punches himself in the balls hoping he dies from the pain, passes out and tries again* Man Is That your best? That was pathetic! Its official, you suck! Bhahahahahahaha! Moral: Fear the Wrath of Shao Kahn!

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it Man: It's ok, it was probably too dirty for me anyways.

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-You wanna get laid tonight? -You wanna never have sex again?

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B: Can I have your number ? G: Sure.. 666

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If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

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my love for you is like diarrhea. i can never hold it in

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Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa what I don't want for Christmas?

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Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

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Hey gorgeous what are you drinking? Cyanide.

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I AM LOVE! I AM LOVE! Moral: Seriously, I have never been QUUUUUITE this happy, shouting I am love is probably not the best move, thanks for your thumbs ups, thumbs downs, and while my work is done here, that does not mean Ill leave, I need to keep my reputation as the fourth, smoothest, aka pointless invention in the world, and unless you want to count that girl Justina Bitcherina, that means that I am the smoothest man alive, THANK YOU THANK YOU! And feel free to vote this down if you cant handle being thanked by the smoothest most awesome man alive. Hey, I get it, we cant all be me ;)

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Do women shake the petrol pump after filling or is that just a guy thing?

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- I'm a weatherman, and I'm predicting 9 inches tonight ;) - Oh? Well weathermen aren't always accurate, so it's probably more like 3 inches.

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The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!