It's not Rapee If you yell surprise!

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Male: Do you know if there is an airport around here? Cause my heart took off, when I saw you... Female: Yeah? Well my heart crashed in the Hudson River when I saw you!

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"Hey girl, is there a mirror in your pants?" "No, that's just my penis."

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-don't sit on the table, people eat there! -don't sit on that chair, people sit there!

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when ilfe gives you lemons i squirt the jiuce in my eyes so i dont have to stare at you anymore :)

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"Wow, you look so thin! Are you wearing a girdle?"

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Roses are Red, Violets are blue, I cant rhyme, ever since my dog and I were walking down the street and then he died and then i cried and then i died and then he cried

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The word of the day is legs. Lets go to your place and spread the word

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I hope you know CPR, because you so ugly you take my breath away

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The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

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Hey, are you from Tennessee? Because you look like you are from Tennessee.

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Is your dad a terrorist?? 'Cause you're a sex bomb.

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—do you believe in love at first sight or shall I come back again? —no, and I think you shall not come back ever.

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If you were my daughter id still be bathing you

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Male: Are you from Tennessee? Female: Why? Male: Cus you look like an inbred hick

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Are you a Geodude? Cause you're face is rockin'!

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man-hey baby you wanna go somewhere girl-no thanks hells over there

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I take the the out of psychotherapist

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Your father must have been a theif, because you look like a pikiey

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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Sigh... No I do not have a van... Just get in the plane!

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Man: Lets have some fun ;) Woman: Sure! Man: Starts telling jokes. Woman: Funny but I thought... Man: What? Woman: Well its a bit uh... silly of me but I thought that we where getting at your place, having a drink and... Man: What? I said fun, not date rape! Woman: Wow... this is really getting nowhere is it? Author: Hell no! Moral: This "anti-pickup" was not even finished and you want a moral too? Pssssssssssssssssshhhhh....

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Mother: Fuck me son fuck me harder. Me: Mother no! My body is not ready aaaaaaaaaarghhh! Moral: Why do dreams have to stop when it gets good? Dont know son, ready for round two?

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Hey, you want a ride?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!