M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

thumb_up thumb_down +75

Hey baby! If I said you had a good body, would you hold it against me? - [ It's unknown who originally said this. Maybe it was some rowdy guy in a 1970s disco].

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Are you a Geodude? Cause you're face is rockin'!

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Boy-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until I heard that horrible pick-up line.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

male: wanna come in for a coffea? female: ok (she has a coffea) male: ok by female: by

thumb_up thumb_down -75

do you clean your pants with windex cause i can see myself in them

thumb_up thumb_down -83

M: If life had Alt + F4, I would close your clothes. F: Really? I would close YOU down!

thumb_up thumb_down +42

You must be tired... I assume you are because I am after following you on your four mile run through the park today.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Are you from tennessee? Because your inbred and retarted.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I right next to each other. You say that you want me? Well don't what you come for!!

thumb_up thumb_down -86

Do women shake the petrol pump after filling or is that just a guy thing?

thumb_up thumb_down +9

-hey baby wanna get a drink? -no but i wanna get the heck away from you

thumb_up thumb_down +5

roses are red, violets are blue, my toe hurts.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rape? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

thumb_up thumb_down -11

In a loud bar: Man: Do you enjoy gRape? Woman: HOW DARE YOU YOU PERVERT! Man: Uh... how about raisins then... Woman: Err... can you repeat that first question again... Moral: I would but I would have to bypass the censorship somehow...

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Hey baby, you're really hot, I like girls with some meat for my bone.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

SYLVIA: Hi! Wanda. WANDA: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die? SYLVIA: I froze to death. WANDA: How horrible! SYLVIA: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you? WANDA: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV. SYLVIA: So, what happened? WANDA: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died. SYLVIA: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer ---we'd both still be alive....?

thumb_up thumb_down +12

He: Hey bay wanna danc- She: Leave.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

If you were on a shelf at build a bear workshop ....... I would stuff you , except it wouldn't be with cotton

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Hey gorgeous what are you drinking? Cyanide.

thumb_up thumb_down +84

How can you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge? Broken fridge.

thumb_up thumb_down +84

The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

thumb_up thumb_down +28

your boobs are bigger than my nose

thumb_up thumb_down +22

- I'm a weatherman, and I'm predicting 9 inches tonight ;) - Oh? Well weathermen aren't always accurate, so it's probably more like 3 inches.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!