You allergic to semen?

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- I'm a weatherman, and I'm predicting 9 inches tonight ;) - Oh? Well weathermen aren't always accurate, so it's probably more like 3 inches.

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Farewell to thy, you have been most amusing. Moral: Has left the building.

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Hey gorgeous what are you drinking? Cyanide.

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-If I could arrange the alphabet, that would be cool.

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Do women shake the petrol pump after filling or is that just a guy thing?

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Me: You know what bitch... You are *burp* such a bitch... That I am just gonna smear peanut butter on my crotch and... Lady: Dude, I am a man but okay! Me: You are a guy? Did you have to tell me that? I mean I got beer googles but I hear perfectly well! Then his girlfriend which happened to be my cousin showed up and... *facepalm*

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Is it hot in here or are you just suffocating me in this relationship

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- Lets get outta here and have some fun - If you got your fathers dick....no

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down

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Man: Your tag's showing. It says "Made in Heaven". Woman: *Proceeds to leak period blood into a puddle at the man's feet and walks away in silence*

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Man: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? Woman: Did it hurt when they kicked-- *sound of gun clicking* Woman: Thanks!

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'I' and 'U' together. Really? Cos' I like it just the way it is... With 'N' and 'O' together.

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Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

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If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

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I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

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He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

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Are you from Wales, because...well...

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Aww seriously dude? That would be awesome, gotta warn you though, this car repair dude, is really ripping my shirt off but you know, ill send you the bill. 666 (my phone is on the charger, get me a new one and ill write a fucking essay about my sisters ass and post it here I really need a phone)

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Male- You have 206 bones in your body, You want another ?

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M: What's a pretty girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine? F: Running and screaming for help

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He: Hey bay wanna danc- She: Leave.

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guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

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if u were a triangle u'd be an obtuse one fat ass

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!