I hope you know CPR, because you so ugly you take my breath away

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Are you a dinosaur? Because you look like you got hit by an asteroid.

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Super man and Lois lane doing it... Supes: WOMAN I AM SO uh.. tHORNY that I want to thrust as hard as I can and... Lois: YAAAAAAAAAAARGH! Supes: Oh noes! R.I.P Lois Lane... Ripped In Pieces Indeed... Moral: Hey at least moral man can get laid... (a moral man fake... well actually original)

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Man - I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. Woman - Good cus' your breath stinks!

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Are you from tennessee? Cause you've got fine written all over you.

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She - Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? becuase your-- He - I did not fall from heaven, you ignorant little twat.

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Q: Why are Italian girls so hairy? A: Because it turns out its a genetic predisposition in which almost all males and females have when of the Italian ethnicity, these genetics are also parts of other race types.

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-Hey comon baby dont be shy give me a little BlowJob -sorry im alergic to peanuts....

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Is your father a gardener? -No, why? ..Because I was wondering what a cactus like you doing in a place like this.

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Do you have a mirror in your pants, because it looks like you have a dick.

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'U' and 'I' together. - No, it's okay. 'N' and 'O' are already together.

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Guy: Have you ever been surfing? Girl: No; Yes Guy: Wanna surf in my jizz?

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Big Black Guy: Yo, whats your name there sexy? My name is Tyrone Bigs Dicks, but my NBA teammates call me Mr.BigDingDong, I play for the HUGE Chicago BIGC0cks if I seem familiar to you ;),... Woman: Wow, awesome ;) and why do they call you that? Big Black Guy:Sigh... I was afraid you would ask... I actually got no idea... But I do not think there are any Big HUGE hard facts... Woman: :/ Big Black Guy: Where you going? Hey! Moral: Lol cannot stop laughing myself! "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! WE PRESENT TO YOU THE HUGE CHICAGO BIGC0CKS!

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Boy: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? Girl: Did it hurt when you were thrust through the ash-filled layers of Hell?

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Hey, you want a ride?

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Man enters a bar... ORIGINALITY FOR THE PEOPLE! Man: Hey, wanna go to my place later? Woman: Ok Ronald McDonald but you gotta take of your costume first and... Man: What costume? I am Michael Ja.. Moral: Stop it right there! Its too early for jokes about uh... Michael J Fox... yeah him yeah... lets keep it that way...

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Stable relationships are for horses.

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Guy- Hey girl do u like math Girl-um, sure Guy- ok I got a problem... Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and multiply the bodies.... What does that equal.... Girl- u and ur homo friends

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Do you have sunburn, or are you always this hot? It's sunburn.

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You smell just like my mom...

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-Are you the sun? -No.. Why? -Because you need to stay 93,000,000 miles away from me.

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-Go on don't be shy, Ask me out. -Okay Go out.

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my love for you is like diarrhea. i can never hold it in

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Shy-guy: Hey uh, girl, we have been on like 40 dates, what do you um... You know say we go to my place for once and have some drinks? Shy-girl: Eh, well su-sure I mean its been over forty dates, but ill just take coffee if its oka... Shy-guy: OMG YOU DAMN EASY SKANK! HOLY SHIT YOU WHERE GONNA GIVE IT ALL WHERE YOU NOT? LOL NO TIME FOR DESPERATE BlTCHES! Moral: Not to be confused with the slightly less popular Nintendo character Shy Guy

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!