I like my women like I like my coffee I drink Tea

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How can you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge? Broken fridge.

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I'm jealous of every girl that hugs you, Because for that one second she held my entire world.

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Man: (puts on a stern face and mans up) Hey you random hoe, wanna have sex? Woman: Sigh... sure why not... at least you dont play games. Man: WHAT? IT WORKED? IT WORKEEEEED?! OMG truCKINg goD wOooooot wooooooot hell I aM gonna get laid tonight it finally worked yaehaieHeiAHEIHAIEHIAHE Wootowtowot I AM GONNA LOSE MY VIRGI... Woman: never mind, you are too noisy... Moral: Desperation... harder to hide than you think..

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Man - How was your trip from heaven? Woman - Great... until now.

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*is your name angel cuz that's all i see? *is your name asshole cuz that's all i see

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can i just touch your face for like, a couple seconds.

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Man: (Ugh worst food ever). Girl: U like it? Man: I love it girl! Girl: Aww, I am gonna make this every day ever! Moral: Hey, if she got big tits, then keep lying.

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You remind me of America. How so? Because you so fat!

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Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma?

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Did anyone ever tell you you smell like Catalina? Did anyone ever tell you you smell like a cat?

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Are you an electrician? Cuz' you turn me on.

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I scream, You scream, The Police come, It's Awkward...

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If I could rearrange the alphabet i would pass on it.

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"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

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roses are red violets are blue i suck at rhyming get in the van.

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Jack is riding his new yellow bicycle. His father bought it for his 12th anniversary. Jack is ecstatic to have his first ride down his street. Erick thinks its ugly.

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: Breaking through the earth's crust ascending from hell.

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i would traval the earth for you. well then im going to the moon.

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-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

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- If you were a booger I'd pick you first - If you were a booger I'd throw you away...

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Hi girls... whos coming home with me? And please dont reject me because I am a rich man and rejection makes me throw thousand dollar bills at random.

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Guy: Your eyes are like the stars. Girl: Is it because the way they sparkle? Guy: No because they are really far apart.

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At a moral man bar... "the most awesome place on earth": Man: I thumb down my comments now, and somehow they end up thumbed the next day... Woman: Uh... what comments? Moral: Be specific... or at least dont brag to pick up chicks... now if you wanna be yourself and could not give shit about the rest, then go ahead! It will actually improve your chances!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!