- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

I hate you already.

The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

Let's not turn this rape... into a murder

Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

"Are you a parking ticket?" "What?" "You’ve got fine written all over you"

—do you believe in love at first sight or shall I come back again? —no, and I think you shall not come back ever.

What did the priest say to the rabbi? We are both religious figures at the head of our places of worship.

Roses are Red, Violets are blue, I cant rhyme, ever since my dog and I were walking down the street and then he died and then i cried and then i died and then he cried

If you were on a shelf at build a bear workshop ....... I would stuff you , except it wouldn't be with cotton

Man: Hello! I am SUPERMAN! And you are so hot you are my Kryptonite! Woman: then you better get lost before you die! Man: Uh well... yeah uh... walks away (in non super speed strangely) Moral: Think things trough sometimes...

Shall I compare you to a summer's day? Damn you're hot!

- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'U' and 'I' together. - No, it's okay. 'N' and 'O' are already together.

Are u in the army cause u make my private stand at attention.

Do you have cancer, because you look diseased.

The word of the day is legs. Lets go to your place and spread the word

If you were a booger, that'd be pretty nasty.

-I work for the FBI -Oh I work for the CIA, maybe we'll see each other at a meeting -Yeah I'm in the Female Body Inspector division -I'm in the Can the Idiot Absent himself division

Girlfriend: you are much more naive when you are naked, and a small penis, no hair and are 23 years old

(Guy mumbles a bit, then says): You don't know me, but can I get you a drink? Yeah, sure... OK. HAHAHAA!!! Before I asked if you wanted a drink I mumbled "Do you want to have sex"? And you said yes! HAHAHAA!!!

Sigh... No I do not have a van... Just get in the plane!

Man: There is a U and I in beautiful Woman: Ya, but there is only a U in ugly

hey, your cute. hey, your not.

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book