Girl: Hey you cutypie! want to ride my newest pimpmobile and get drunk and have unprotected sex? Man: Gee that was mighty brave of you, teehee.. Maybe though, but cant we just get to know each other a bit first? ;) I mean I am a partygirl bu.. Girl: ...Uh, something feels wrong here. Man: Cut! I think we picked up each other scripts... Moral: About mother fucking time someone noticed something! This is anti-pickupline enough for me...

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-Are you the sun? -No.. Why? -Because you need to stay 93,000,000 miles away from me.

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The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

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I have the smallest erected dick in town, if you don't believe me ask my mama!

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Girlfriend: you are much more naive when you are naked, and a small penis, no hair and are 23 years old

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- hey baby i wanna show you something - wait i wanna show you something too -what is it? -my fists

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-I work for the FBI -Oh I work for the CIA, maybe we'll see each other at a meeting -Yeah I'm in the Female Body Inspector division -I'm in the Can the Idiot Absent himself division

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Do you have cancer, because you look diseased.

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This tux is rented by the hour, are you?

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Sigh... No I do not have a van... Just get in the plane!

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Guy: Where have you been all my life? Girl: In my room hiding from you.

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If you were on a shelf at build a bear workshop ....... I would stuff you , except it wouldn't be with cotton

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-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

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Adventures of Drunken man with standards 2: Man: Well you are kinda uh... big for me... no offense lady, I mean you are sexy but you are... well fat.. in fact you are TRUCKING HUGE! and I have standards, HIGH STANDARDS ACTUALLY... but since you are so charming and have such a great personality... I guess we can go for it... Kid: Mommy... what is that naked man doing to that blimp? Moral: Standards... we all got them... they are invisible for a reason though...

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What did the priest say to the rabbi? We are both religious figures at the head of our places of worship.

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It's not Rapee If you yell surprise!

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—do you believe in love at first sight or shall I come back again? —no, and I think you shall not come back ever.

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On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

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Hey babe wats ur sign Caution men at work

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Guy- Hey girl do u like math Girl-um, sure Guy- ok I got a problem... Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and multiply the bodies.... What does that equal.... Girl- u and ur homo friends

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Man: Well... you seem female enough at least... wanna come home? Woman?: Uh... well... okay ;) But I am a man thought ;) Man: That is disgusting! I am so ashamed! Not Woman: Oh, well sorry :(.. Man: So... as I said you SEEM female enough so wanna come home? The other man: :D I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU ASKED ME! ITS SO BEAUTIFUL... so well... NO! Man: This is not getting anywhere is it? Author. NO!

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- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

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"Are you a parking ticket?" "What?" "You’ve got fine written all over you"

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If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!