Guy: Did you use Windex on your pants? Girl: No, why? Guy: Because I see myself in your pants.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

thumb_up thumb_down +29

-As I slipped my finger in her hole I could feel her getting wetter and wetter, When I pulled it out she was going down on me. I should probably start looking for a new boat...

thumb_up thumb_down +11

- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

thumb_up thumb_down -29

I take the the out of psychotherapist

thumb_up thumb_down +4

At a bar (how creative): Man: I bet you look beautiful behind those tits... Woman: WHAT DO YOU MEAN DONKEYHOLE!?!?!?! Man: Uh... well I mean I really cant see your face and... Moral: Silicone tits are nice too... in MODERATION FFS!

thumb_up thumb_down -8

boy - would you like to dance? girl - hell no! boy - I think you misunderstood me. I said you look fat in those pants. girl - That's why I said "Hell No!" girl - I'm trying to deny the fact that I look fat in my pants. boy - damnit! girl - Phew!

thumb_up thumb_down -20

hey i know spanish french german russian and Punjabi. got a talented tongue ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Guy:My tummy hurts Girl: Oh!! Are you pregnant ? Guy: Yeah!!! With a baby elephant!! Girl:WHAT!!!! Guy: Yeah!! Wanna see its trunk

thumb_up thumb_down -42

- Did it hurt, when you fell from heaven? - Nah, angels like me, have wings.

thumb_up thumb_down -70

I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

thumb_up thumb_down +97

-Want my number? -I already know it. It's 1. -Phone numbers have more then one digit... -Oh, I thought we were referring to your IQ level...my bad.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Did you fall from heaven because you landed on my wind shield some how

thumb_up thumb_down +1

- Does this napkin smell like chloroform to you? There is no response because she passed out from it and he leaves in order to void suspicion.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Man: (in indian accent) HELLO I AM VERY RICH INDIAN MAN, I HAVE COLLECTION OF EXPENSIVE CARS AND LIMOS, I TAKE LADY HOME AND MAKE SWEET LOVE TO HER, THEN GIVE HER LOTSA JEWELS AND MONEY! Woman: Cool ill come home with you. Man: Uh... can you lend me money for the bus?

thumb_up thumb_down -45

- I'd do anything for you. - Die.

thumb_up thumb_down +76

Want to get a pizza and fuck? What you don't like pizza?

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Famous male actors guide on pick-up. 1. Enter Disco. 2. Say hello out loud. 3. By this point you`re screwed... literally.

thumb_up thumb_down

Hey, girl. Looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need is U

thumb_up thumb_down

i'm a doctor.... maybe i can fix that thing you call a face

thumb_up thumb_down -40

Man; Wanna play the rape game? Girl; No Man; That's the spirit

thumb_up thumb_down +77

Woman- is your penis erect? Male- no just FULL SIZED Woman- woah

thumb_up thumb_down +71

-hey, come here a minute.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!