- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

I hate you already.

Guy: Where have you been all my life? Girl: In my room hiding from you.

Let's not turn this rape... into a murder

Guy: You look two times as beautiful with makup on. Girl: Really? I think you would too.

If you were a booger, that'd be pretty nasty.

Sigh... No I do not have a van... Just get in the plane!

The word of the day is legs. Lets go to your place and spread the word

—do you believe in love at first sight or shall I come back again? —no, and I think you shall not come back ever.

"Are you a parking ticket?" "What?" "You’ve got fine written all over you"

What did the priest say to the rabbi? We are both religious figures at the head of our places of worship.

On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'U' and 'I' together. - No, it's okay. 'N' and 'O' are already together.

If you were on a shelf at build a bear workshop ....... I would stuff you , except it wouldn't be with cotton

If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

Man: There is a U and I in beautiful Woman: Ya, but there is only a U in ugly

Roses are Red, Violets are blue, I cant rhyme, ever since my dog and I were walking down the street and then he died and then i cried and then i died and then he cried

(Guy mumbles a bit, then says): You don't know me, but can I get you a drink? Yeah, sure... OK. HAHAHAA!!! Before I asked if you wanted a drink I mumbled "Do you want to have sex"? And you said yes! HAHAHAA!!!

Man: Hello! I am SUPERMAN! And you are so hot you are my Kryptonite! Woman: then you better get lost before you die! Man: Uh well... yeah uh... walks away (in non super speed strangely) Moral: Think things trough sometimes...

This one is for the ladies: Man: If I could put 6 and 9 on my calculator we would have the greatest time ever ;) Woman: If you did that id just put 911 on my cellphone.

Shall I compare you to a summer's day? Damn you're hot!

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book