-You look like a dream. -Go back to sleep.

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Your body would look good in my trunk.

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- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

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-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

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-If I saw you naked, I'd die happy. -If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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-Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots? -Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

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Walking to your car alone later?

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Did the lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?

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"Don't scream"

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You're place or mine? Both, you go to yours and I go to mine.

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Is Heaven missing an Angel? Because I have an erection.

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I have no gag reflex.

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Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

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you actually look alright with the lights on.

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-Baby, do you know karate? Your body is kickin'! -I do actually. Would your crotch like a demonstration?

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-Your feet must be tired 'cuz you've been running through my mind. -Yea, I was running away from you.

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My penis just died. Can I bury it in your ass?

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Hey baby me you CHOIN CHOIN under the moonlight..

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-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

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- Haven't we met before? - Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic.

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-Does beauty run in your family? -It obviously doesn't in yours!

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

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Your father must be a thief, because I saw him stealing at Target earlier.

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Are you an erection? 'Cause you're growing on me.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!