- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

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He: Did it hurt? She: Aww when I fell from heaven? Thanks! He: No, when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down. She:...

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- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

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Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa what I don't want for Christmas?

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Female: You're hot! Male: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha get in the van.

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Famous male actors guide on pick-up. 1. Enter Disco. 2. Say hello out loud. 3. By this point you`re screwed... literally.

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Do you have cancer, because you look diseased.

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*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

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If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

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Hey, girl. Looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need is U

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At a bar (how creative): Man: I bet you look beautiful behind those tits... Woman: WHAT DO YOU MEAN DONKEYHOLE!?!?!?! Man: Uh... well I mean I really cant see your face and... Moral: Silicone tits are nice too... in MODERATION FFS!

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Roses are red Violates are blue Get in the van I have a gun.

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Roses are red violets are blue i got a gun get in the van!

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If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

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Man: Well... you seem female enough at least... wanna come home? Woman?: Uh... well... okay ;) But I am a man thought ;) Man: That is disgusting! I am so ashamed! Not Woman: Oh, well sorry :(.. Man: So... as I said you SEEM female enough so wanna come home? The other man: :D I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU ASKED ME! ITS SO BEAUTIFUL... so well... NO! Man: This is not getting anywhere is it? Author. NO!

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Boy: did it hurt when you fell from heaven Girl: I'm a antsiest

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If you were a booger, that'd be pretty nasty.

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Hey you've got the most beautiful f*cked up teeth I've ever seen.

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause you d*** sure look like a demon!

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You want to sleep with me and i want to sleep with you. I'm at least half right.

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On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

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B: Can I have your number ? G: Sure.. 666

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Roses are Red, Violets are blue, I cant rhyme, ever since my dog and I were walking down the street and then he died and then i cried and then i died and then he cried

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Girl: Are you a doctor? Because I think I have the flu. *sneeze*

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!