Do you have cancer, because you look diseased.

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Male: Did you get your tickes to the barbercue? Female: What barbercue? Male: The barbercue where i put my meat on your face.

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Man: Well... you seem female enough at least... wanna come home? Woman?: Uh... well... okay ;) But I am a man thought ;) Man: That is disgusting! I am so ashamed! Not Woman: Oh, well sorry :(.. Man: So... as I said you SEEM female enough so wanna come home? The other man: :D I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU ASKED ME! ITS SO BEAUTIFUL... so well... NO! Man: This is not getting anywhere is it? Author. NO!

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If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

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-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

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Roses are red violets are blue i got a gun get in the van!

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-I work for the FBI -Oh I work for the CIA, maybe we'll see each other at a meeting -Yeah I'm in the Female Body Inspector division -I'm in the Can the Idiot Absent himself division

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Girl: Are you a doctor? Because I think I have the flu. *sneeze*

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*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

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If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

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Female: You're hot! Male: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha get in the van.

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Hey you've got the most beautiful f*cked up teeth I've ever seen.

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B: Can I have your number ? G: Sure.. 666

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Roses are Red, Violets are blue, I cant rhyme, ever since my dog and I were walking down the street and then he died and then i cried and then i died and then he cried

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This one is for the ladies: Man: If I could put 6 and 9 on my calculator we would have the greatest time ever ;) Woman: If you did that id just put 911 on my cellphone.

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Are you a dinosaur? Because you look like you got hit by an asteroid.

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Hey, girl. Looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need is U

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If you were a booger, that'd be pretty nasty.

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Famous male actors guide on pick-up. 1. Enter Disco. 2. Say hello out loud. 3. By this point you`re screwed... literally.

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On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

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Roses are red Violates are blue Get in the van I have a gun.

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Stable relationships are for horses.

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Did you just fart? Cause it smells like shit in here

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- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!