i'm a doctor.... maybe i can fix that thing you call a face

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You smell just like my mom...

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Girl: Are you a doctor? Because I think I have the flu. *sneeze*

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Did you just fart? Cause it smells like shit in here

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If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

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- Professor Dumbledore, where are we? - You're dead, stupid. Snape trolled you.

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-I work for the FBI -Oh I work for the CIA, maybe we'll see each other at a meeting -Yeah I'm in the Female Body Inspector division -I'm in the Can the Idiot Absent himself division

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Are you from tennessee? Cause you've got fine written all over you.

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- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

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If I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd probably leave it as is, seems to be working OK just fine without my internvention. And imagine the work it'd create in terms of all the re-filing alone. Librarians would have apoplexy, and if I came out I was responsible..well, there'd be hell to pay. No, thank you, but no thank you, the alphabet can stay as it is, no matter how hot your body.

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Famous male actors guide on pick-up. 1. Enter Disco. 2. Say hello out loud. 3. By this point you`re screwed... literally.

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He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

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Guy: wow! Why are you naked and on top of me? Girl: What are you talking about! We are at a bar! Guy: Oh sorry I am a psychic and keep getting flashes of the near future...

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Man: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? Woman: Did it hurt when they kicked-- *sound of gun clicking* Woman: Thanks!

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Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa what I don't want for Christmas?

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- hey baby i wanna show you something - wait i wanna show you something too -what is it? -my fists

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Hey, girl. Looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need is U

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-hey, come here a minute.

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- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

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Hey baby wana come over for dinner? Sure whats cookin? Your dead body after I kill ur ugly face derrp

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Sugar-free sugar cookies

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adam burdass

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To my story below, I now remember why she never took me seriously... While I was staring at her erect nipples she asked me if I was gay, I replied "uhuh", to everything as I was too busy looking at what I could have grabbed that day... Moral: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Today she looks uh... less appealing in more ways than one.... but lets not go into details, I need to get something out here... FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! In 40 years at my deathbed: The only thing I regret is... is... DAMN! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

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Roses are red Violates are blue Get in the van I have a gun.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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