Guy:Are you wearing space pants, cause that ass is out of this world! Girl:No, they're baseball pants, cuz this ass is out of your league.

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Man: Hello! I am SUPERMAN! And you are so hot you are my Kryptonite! Woman: then you better get lost before you die! Man: Uh well... yeah uh... walks away (in non super speed strangely) Moral: Think things trough sometimes...

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B: Can I have your number ? G: Sure.. 666

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Hey babe wats ur sign Caution men at work

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- I'd do anything for you. - Die.

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? because I can... Yes actually, it's my new LCD Mirror Screen Protector for my iPhone.

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This tux is rented by the hour, are you?

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At a bar (how creative): Man: I bet you look beautiful behind those tits... Woman: WHAT DO YOU MEAN DONKEYHOLE!?!?!?! Man: Uh... well I mean I really cant see your face and... Moral: Silicone tits are nice too... in MODERATION FFS!

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause you d*** sure look like a demon!

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Did It Hurt when you fell from heaven? No, because I was already dead.

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Man: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? Woman: Did it hurt when they kicked-- *sound of gun clicking* Woman: Thanks!

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Are you being followed because i've been see someone behind your back!

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Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

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Roses are red Violates are blue Get in the van I have a gun.

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-Hey sit on my face and I will guess your weight

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Do you have sunburn, or are you always this hot? It's sunburn.

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Want to get a pizza and fuck? What you don't like pizza?

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men: Do you ride horses, because I'd let you ride me all night!

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roses are red, violets are blue, my toe hurts.

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male-"Do you have a rape fetish?" fenale-"No, i don't" male-"Ohh... Well you're not going enjoy this."

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*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

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He: Did it hurt? She: Aww when I fell from heaven? Thanks! He: No, when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down. She:...

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are you from tennessee? because your license plate said it.

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M: Woah I am drunk baby... But I gotta say... you`re the hottest bitch in town! B: Bark bark!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!