What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

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Guy: Do you wanna be the sun of my life? Girl: Ok sure Guy: Then go stand 13. billion miles away from me

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Man: Oh crap I don't have a condom Woman: Don't worry I have one

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This one is for the ladies: Man: If I could put 6 and 9 on my calculator we would have the greatest time ever ;) Woman: If you did that id just put 911 on my cellphone.

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I take the the out of psychotherapist

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-Want my number? -I already know it. It's 1. -Phone numbers have more then one digit... -Oh, I thought we were referring to your IQ level...my bad.

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Why do cops eat donuts so much? Because they are delish

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Did you fall from heaven because you landed on my wind shield some how

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Boy:do you know to spell "Idiot" with just one word? Girl:how? Boy:U

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If you were a booger, that'd be pretty nasty.

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One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door. Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut. And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

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i'm a doctor.... maybe i can fix that thing you call a face

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Do you have cancer, because you look diseased.

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I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

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Aww seriously dude? That would be awesome, gotta warn you though, this car repair dude, is really ripping my shirt off but you know, ill send you the bill. 666 (my phone is on the charger, get me a new one and ill write a fucking essay about my sisters ass and post it here I really need a phone)

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You must be tired... I assume you are because I am after following you on your four mile run through the park today.

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Female: Hey can i buy you a drink? Male: I have AIDS.

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-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

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A blond, a brunette and a black haired girl are all stuck on an island....stupid women.

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- I'd do anything for you. - Die.

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Woman- is your penis erect? Male- no just FULL SIZED Woman- woah

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"Are you a parking ticket?" "What?" "You’ve got fine written all over you"

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Are you from tennessee? Because your inbred and retarted.

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M: If life had Alt + F4, I would close your clothes. F: Really? I would close YOU down!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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