M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

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guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

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Did you fall from heaven? Because, I believe in the afterlife.

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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- Professor Dumbledore, where are we? - You're dead, stupid. Snape trolled you.

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Seriously tho mah bebeh... Did you ask for a Pepsi or mah cocka-colah?

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I stole this pickup line from Antipickupline.com.

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Did It Hurt when you fell from heaven? No, because I was already dead.

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Man: Your body is a tempe! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause you d*** sure look like a demon!

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Male: Baby, I am God's gift to this earth! Female: Well, if I take a receipt up to Heaven, can I exchange you for someone better?

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Let me stick it in...just once baby...that's all I'll need. ;)

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*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

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How can you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge? Broken fridge.

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- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

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-You wanna get laid tonight? -You wanna never have sex again?

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Don't turn this rape into a murder.

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"Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!" "My parole officer would go nuts!"

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The word of the day is legs. Lets go to your place and spread the word

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Now this one is for the ladies: Girl: Hey there Alexa! Long time no see! Woman: Indeed dear, so... do you still do YOGA!? Girl: Nah I stopped after the YOGA FIRE! lessons and the YOGA TELEPORT! Lessons where too expensive... Woman: too bad! Can you still bend your legs behind your back though? ;) It looked so sexy... Girl: Oh well, as long as you can still do you YOGA STRETCH tongue you can come home with me and teach me a thing or two since I am just 19 and you are a 35 year old couger... if you know what I mean ;) Woman: Sure! I can teach you a lot of lusty immoral things ;). Conclusion: Girl: Not there... its hurts. Woman: Just relax girl, and it will work... Girl: YES OH YES!!! Moral: To show that my stories also support the ladies ;) Hey... its called the ANTIPICKUPLINE after all right?

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Want to get a pizza and fuck? What you don't like pizza?

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He- You've got something on your ass. She- What? He- Oh never mind, it's just a period stain.

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Hey lady, you're really, really cute! Let's go out in the woods, GET NAKED and have sex!

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Man: Your body is a temple! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!