Actor walks in street... Woman: HEY ITS YOU! THE GUY THAT PLAYED GANDALF THE GAY!... Uh I mean Gandalf the GRAY! Actor: WRONG WOMAN! I AM FAGNETO! MASTER OF FAGNETISM! Moral: Please take no insult Esteemed Mr.Ian McKellen you are a fantastic actor... as for the rest of you, feel free to feel as insulted as you want... I mean its your own trucking choice :P.

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Hey, girl. Looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need is U

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- Does this napkin smell like chloroform to you? There is no response because she passed out from it and he leaves in order to void suspicion.

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- I put the STD in STUD, all I need is U - ...

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boy - would you like to dance? girl - hell no! boy - I think you misunderstood me. I said you look fat in those pants. girl - That's why I said "Hell No!" girl - I'm trying to deny the fact that I look fat in my pants. boy - damnit! girl - Phew!

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Eat me, I'm organic!

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Guy: Hey is your dad a jeweler? Girl: No, He died a year ago due to a heart condition.

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Man - I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk. Woman - Not mine!

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Guy: You must put sugar in your cereal every morning... Girl: Why cause I am so sweet :) Guy: No because you haven't been able to see your toes in at least 20 years...

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It rubs the lotion onto it's skin

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Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

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Now this one is for the ladies: Girl: Hey there Alexa! Long time no see! Woman: Indeed dear, so... do you still do YOGA!? Girl: Nah I stopped after the YOGA FIRE! lessons and the YOGA TELEPORT! Lessons where too expensive... Woman: too bad! Can you still bend your legs behind your back though? ;) It looked so sexy... Girl: Oh well, as long as you can still do you YOGA STRETCH tongue you can come home with me and teach me a thing or two since I am just 19 and you are a 35 year old couger... if you know what I mean ;) Woman: Sure! I can teach you a lot of lusty immoral things ;). Conclusion: Girl: Not there... its hurts. Woman: Just relax girl, and it will work... Girl: YES OH YES!!! Moral: To show that my stories also support the ladies ;) Hey... its called the ANTIPICKUPLINE after all right?

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Are you being followed because i've been see someone behind your back!

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Q: How did the baby cross the road A: He was stapled to the chicken

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You wanna have sex and get married?? Ok... Sorry.

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if I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd put my dick in your ass

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Waiter- For you, sir? Male: I'll have a Strawberry Daquiri, non-alcoholic, please. Waiter- And, for your company? Male: For her, a long-island-iced-tea, with a twist of Rohypnol.

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-Can I get your Number? -29435566 (see if you can get it.)

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-hey, come here a minute.

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boy: hey wanna hang out some time?! girl: O MY GOD! r u hannah montanna?!

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Are you the sun? Because you need to stay about 92,960,000 miles away from me.

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Man: Wanna (censored)? Woman: (Censored) you man!

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On a scale from 1 to 10, can I get your number?

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You belong in heaven. So make sure you say hi to God for me.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!