Are you being followed because i've been see someone behind your back!

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I take the the out of psychotherapist

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On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

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I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

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M: If life had Alt + F4, I would close your clothes. F: Really? I would close YOU down!

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Did you fall from heaven because you landed on my wind shield some how

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- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

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If you were a booger, that'd be pretty nasty.

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i want a blowjob bitch *lifts her hijab*

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Are u in the army cause u make my private stand at attention.

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Guy: Happy Birthday Girl: Huh? Guy: You're gonna get raped

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If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

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guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

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your boobs are bigger than my nose

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The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

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Famous male actors guide on pick-up. 1. Enter Disco. 2. Say hello out loud. 3. By this point you`re screwed... literally.

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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If you were on a shelf at build a bear workshop ....... I would stuff you , except it wouldn't be with cotton

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Guy:My tummy hurts Girl: Oh!! Are you pregnant ? Guy: Yeah!!! With a baby elephant!! Girl:WHAT!!!! Guy: Yeah!! Wanna see its trunk

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-You wanna get laid tonight? -You wanna never have sex again?

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- I'd do anything for you. - Die.

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M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

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Woman- is your penis erect? Male- no just FULL SIZED Woman- woah

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"Are you a parking ticket?" "What?" "You’ve got fine written all over you"

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!