What's your favorite condiment? Mine's mayonaise.

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How can you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge? Broken fridge.

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Woman- is your penis erect? Male- no just FULL SIZED Woman- woah

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will you marry me

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Q: How did the baby cross the road A: He was stapled to the chicken

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Man: Wanna (censored)? Woman: (Censored) you man!

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He: Did it hurt? She: Aww when I fell from heaven? Thanks! He: No, when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down. She:...

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Roses are red Violets are gold Get on your knees And do what your told

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Want to get a pizza and fuck? What you don't like pizza?

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Wow! You know, your eyes are like blueberries, wait, can I actually, can I actually, I'm kinda hungry, can I, can I have them?

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Hey baby, can I cream in your chocolate?

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You're like a drug to me. why because I'm so addicting?:) No, because you ruined my life.

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-Adam, am I the only girl in your life? -Who else is there?

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Guy: You must put sugar in your cereal every morning... Girl: Why cause I am so sweet :) Guy: No because you haven't been able to see your toes in at least 20 years...

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You wanna have sex and get married?? Ok... Sorry.

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Guy: Do you wanna be the sun of my life? Girl: Ok sure Guy: Then go stand 13. billion miles away from me

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It that a tsunami in your panties or are you excited to see me.. :)

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My friend and I flipped a coin to see who will ask you out and I won.

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I have a knife, Maddie. Get in the van.

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Girl: Hey you cutypie! want to ride my newest pimpmobile and get drunk and have unprotected sex? Man: Gee that was mighty brave of you, teehee.. Maybe though, but cant we just get to know each other a bit first? ;) I mean I am a partygirl bu.. Girl: ...Uh, something feels wrong here. Man: Cut! I think we picked up each other scripts... Moral: About mother fucking time someone noticed something! This is anti-pickupline enough for me...

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You look just like my sister! That's funny,... CUZ IM A DUDE

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-So...wanna come back to my place? -I Dont Know If two people can fit in a box on the street.

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He: did it hurt? She: when i fell from heaven? He: no. when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down. go put some clothes on.

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You like my boobies ;) Girl: I said no you disgusting fat bastard! Moral: What fucking kind of MOTHERFUCKING MORAL are you expecting to find here?!?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!