Hey you've got the most beautiful f*cked up teeth I've ever seen.

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If you were a booger, that'd be pretty nasty.

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Man: HELP! HELP! MY PENIS IS GONE! SOMEONE HELP ME FIND IT! Woman: OMG I am a nurse, we must find it before its too late! Where did you last see it? Man: It... it was around inside my pants somewhere... It should not be too hard to find it... cuz its pretty big...

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Why was the little boy crying? Because he dropped his hamster in the garbage disposal

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Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I would be in prison.

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He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

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do you clean your pants with windex cause i can see myself in them

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Sugar-free sugar cookies

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Female: You're hot! Male: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha get in the van.

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Roses are red violets are blue i got a gun get in the van!

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*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

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roses are red, violets are blue, my toe hurts.

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Guy:My tummy hurts Girl: Oh!! Are you pregnant ? Guy: Yeah!!! With a baby elephant!! Girl:WHAT!!!! Guy: Yeah!! Wanna see its trunk

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Guy: wow! Why are you naked and on top of me? Girl: What are you talking about! We are at a bar! Guy: Oh sorry I am a psychic and keep getting flashes of the near future...

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"Are you my Appendix? Because I have a funny feeling in my stomach that makes me feel like I should take you out." "I charge $80 with anesthesia, $40 without."

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I take the the out of psychotherapist

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Why do cops eat donuts so much? Because they are delish

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At a bar (how creative): Man: I bet you look beautiful behind those tits... Woman: WHAT DO YOU MEAN DONKEYHOLE!?!?!?! Man: Uh... well I mean I really cant see your face and... Moral: Silicone tits are nice too... in MODERATION FFS!

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause you d*** sure look like a demon!

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boy - would you like to dance? girl - hell no! boy - I think you misunderstood me. I said you look fat in those pants. girl - That's why I said "Hell No!" girl - I'm trying to deny the fact that I look fat in my pants. boy - damnit! girl - Phew!

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Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

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Stable relationships are for horses.

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I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

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Did you fall from heaven because you landed on my wind shield some how

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!