What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

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Female: Hey can i buy you a drink? Male: I have AIDS.

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down

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At a bar (how creative): Man: I bet you look beautiful behind those tits... Woman: WHAT DO YOU MEAN DONKEYHOLE!?!?!?! Man: Uh... well I mean I really cant see your face and... Moral: Silicone tits are nice too... in MODERATION FFS!

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Guy:My tummy hurts Girl: Oh!! Are you pregnant ? Guy: Yeah!!! With a baby elephant!! Girl:WHAT!!!! Guy: Yeah!! Wanna see its trunk

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I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

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Are you from tennessee? Because your inbred and retarted.

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- Professor Dumbledore, where are we? - You're dead, stupid. Snape trolled you.

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do you clean your pants with windex cause i can see myself in them

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*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

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- I'd do anything for you. - Die.

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Why was the little boy crying? Because he dropped his hamster in the garbage disposal

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Woman- is your penis erect? Male- no just FULL SIZED Woman- woah

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"Are you a parking ticket?" "What?" "You’ve got fine written all over you"

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven and banged every guy on the way down?

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Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I would be in prison.

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Seriously tho mah bebeh... Did you ask for a Pepsi or mah cocka-colah?

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i'm a doctor.... maybe i can fix that thing you call a face

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You dont need makeup, plastic surgery is really cheap nowadays!

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- Did it hurt, when you fell from heaven? - Nah, angels like me, have wings.

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Girl: Are you a doctor? Because I think I have the flu. *sneeze*

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"Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!" "My parole officer would go nuts!"

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Woman and man on picnicking date at the forest: (Man gets bit in his pingas by a snake..) Man: ARGH! HEALP HEALP! Woman: OMG! I have to call the doctor! RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING Doctor! My date was bitten by a poisonous snake! What can we do! Doctor: The only option would be to suck the poison out of the bitten area or else he will probably die... "Click" Man: ARGH! WHAT DID THE DOCTOR SAY! PLEASE ITS GETTING NUMB! WHAT DID HE SAY! Woman: He said you are gonna die... :( Moral: She may not have sucked, but this sure did :P

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I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!