M: If life had Alt + F4, I would close your clothes. F: Really? I would close YOU down!

thumb_up thumb_down +25

At a bar (how creative): Man: I bet you look beautiful behind those tits... Woman: WHAT DO YOU MEAN DONKEYHOLE!?!?!?! Man: Uh... well I mean I really cant see your face and... Moral: Silicone tits are nice too... in MODERATION FFS!

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Did you fall from heaven? Cause you d*** sure look like a demon!

thumb_up thumb_down -17

-hey, come here a minute.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Roses are red violets are blue i got a gun get in the van!

thumb_up thumb_down -59

Little guy: I also beat Mike Tyson with my fists! Woman: Meh, from what I heard you beat some nobody named Mr.Dream! Little guy: Damn you Nintendo! Moral: He sure was not a big mac... more like a little ma.. baaaah you wont get it anyways!....

thumb_up thumb_down -149

Hey babe wats ur sign Caution men at work

thumb_up thumb_down +106

Sugar-free sugar cookies

thumb_up thumb_down +38

roses are red, violets are blue, my toe hurts.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

He: Did it hurt? She: When I fell from heaven? heard it before... He: No, when you fell from the ugly tree!

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Man: HELP! HELP! MY PENIS IS GONE! SOMEONE HELP ME FIND IT! Woman: OMG I am a nurse, we must find it before its too late! Where did you last see it? Man: It... it was around inside my pants somewhere... It should not be too hard to find it... cuz its pretty big...

thumb_up thumb_down -66

Man: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? Woman: Did it hurt when they kicked-- *sound of gun clicking* Woman: Thanks!

thumb_up thumb_down +115

are you from tennessee? because your license plate said it.

thumb_up thumb_down +51

Guy:Are you wearing space pants, cause that ass is out of this world! Girl:No, they're baseball pants, cuz this ass is out of your league.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

I'd take you to the zoo but you might be mistaken for an elephant

thumb_up thumb_down +11

B: Can I have your number ? G: Sure.. 666

thumb_up thumb_down -47

I stole this pickup line from Antipickupline.com.

thumb_up thumb_down -87

Want to get a pizza and fuck? What you don't like pizza?

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Damn gurl, are you a microwave? Cause for sure you are burning me hot.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Hi, since its our first "Set Time Date" , I want you know I haven't got any STD's

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Me. Would you like me to get you a ring for valentines day? Girlfriend: Nothing would make me happier! So I got her nothing...

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Guy:My tummy hurts Girl: Oh!! Are you pregnant ? Guy: Yeah!!! With a baby elephant!! Girl:WHAT!!!! Guy: Yeah!! Wanna see its trunk

thumb_up thumb_down -46

do you clean your pants with windex cause i can see myself in them

thumb_up thumb_down -96

You must be a parking ticket. Because you are dressed like i'd have to pay.

thumb_up thumb_down +121

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!