"Are you a parking ticket?" "What?" "You’ve got fine written all over you"

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M: If life had Alt + F4, I would close your clothes. F: Really? I would close YOU down!

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Famous male actors guide on pick-up. 1. Enter Disco. 2. Say hello out loud. 3. By this point you`re screwed... literally.

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-You wanna get laid tonight? -You wanna never have sex again?

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- I'd do anything for you. - Die.

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M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

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What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

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This one is for the ladies: Man: If I could put 6 and 9 on my calculator we would have the greatest time ever ;) Woman: If you did that id just put 911 on my cellphone.

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guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

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You allergic to semen?

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If you were on a shelf at build a bear workshop ....... I would stuff you , except it wouldn't be with cotton

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*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

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Why was the little boy crying? Because he dropped his hamster in the garbage disposal

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How can you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge? Broken fridge.

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If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven and banged every guy on the way down?

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He: Hey bay wanna danc- She: Leave.

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rape? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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Let me stick it in...just once baby...that's all I'll need. ;)

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Boy-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until I heard that horrible pick-up line.

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Sorry, I don't wanna date a guy who's best pickup line is cocaine.

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Did you fall from heaven? Because, I believe in the afterlife.

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-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

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He i would love to have sex with you She. I know but you have aids

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!