Woman- is your penis erect? Male- no just FULL SIZED Woman- woah

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Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I would be in prison.

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are you from tennessee? because your license plate said it.

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I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rape? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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At a bar (how creative): Man: I bet you look beautiful behind those tits... Woman: WHAT DO YOU MEAN DONKEYHOLE!?!?!?! Man: Uh... well I mean I really cant see your face and... Moral: Silicone tits are nice too... in MODERATION FFS!

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Stable relationships are for horses.

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Man: Oh crap I don't have a condom Woman: Don't worry I have one

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Why was the little boy crying? Because he dropped his hamster in the garbage disposal

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"Are you my Appendix? Because I have a funny feeling in my stomach that makes me feel like I should take you out." "I charge $80 with anesthesia, $40 without."

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-As I slipped my finger in her hole I could feel her getting wetter and wetter, When I pulled it out she was going down on me. I should probably start looking for a new boat...

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Famous male actors guide on pick-up. 1. Enter Disco. 2. Say hello out loud. 3. By this point you`re screwed... literally.

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Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

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- Professor Dumbledore, where are we? - You're dead, stupid. Snape trolled you.

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do you clean your pants with windex cause i can see myself in them

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Guy: Happy Birthday Girl: Huh? Guy: You're gonna get raped

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How can you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge? Broken fridge.

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What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? because I can... Yes actually, it's my new LCD Mirror Screen Protector for my iPhone.

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He: Hey bay wanna danc- She: Leave.

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Want to get a pizza and fuck? What you don't like pizza?

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You allergic to semen?

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I have one thing to say to all the woman who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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Boy:do you know to spell "Idiot" with just one word? Girl:how? Boy:U

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!