What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? because I can... Yes actually, it's my new LCD Mirror Screen Protector for my iPhone.

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"Are you a parking ticket?" "What?" "You’ve got fine written all over you"

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven and banged every guy on the way down?

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guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

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*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

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Man: Hey you are so pretty I bet you are a hooker! Woman: Uh.. thanks but no.. Man: Damn... I was hoping to get laid tonight...

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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- Professor Dumbledore, where are we? - You're dead, stupid. Snape trolled you.

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Let me stick it in...just once baby...that's all I'll need. ;)

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"Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!" "My parole officer would go nuts!"

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The word of the day is legs. Lets go to your place and spread the word

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Did you fall from heaven? Because, I believe in the afterlife.

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Seriously tho mah bebeh... Did you ask for a Pepsi or mah cocka-colah?

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-You wanna get laid tonight? -You wanna never have sex again?

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Girl: Are you a doctor? Because I think I have the flu. *sneeze*

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Guy:Are you wearing space pants, cause that ass is out of this world! Girl:No, they're baseball pants, cuz this ass is out of your league.

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boy - would you like to dance? girl - hell no! boy - I think you misunderstood me. I said you look fat in those pants. girl - That's why I said "Hell No!" girl - I'm trying to deny the fact that I look fat in my pants. boy - damnit! girl - Phew!

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Baby if you were homework, I would do you all the time

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Roses are red violets are blue i got a gun get in the van!

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He: Hey bay wanna danc- She: Leave.

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Hey lady, you're really, really cute! Let's go out in the woods, GET NAKED and have sex!

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I have one thing to say to all the woman who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause you d*** sure look like a demon!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!