hey i know spanish french german russian and Punjabi. got a talented tongue ;)

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Husband: I will always get breakfast and newspapers in bed AT 5:30 baby, but not wake me when you wake up at 4:30

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Moral man enters a bar and spots a sad girl. MMan: Why so sad? Lady: My father died... MMan: And you want him to see you sad, from wherever he may be? Lady: No but how am I supposed to be happy about it? MMan: Remember the happy days you spent, because they are many more than the days you will see his gravestone, and if nothing else, we can always keep those alive within our heart happily, as long as we are happy in OUR heart... Moral: I would have called this meaningless bull before, but this is a true story, and those words are the reason I just celebrated my two year anniversary with my girlfriend, the most amazing girl ever... which just sang out of joy btw... I may be different... but if a man can keep those he loves happy, he is indeed a true man... Ok now she wants to know what I am typing, so I say nothing and put this self brag away, because I share with you, but heck, what am I? Somekind of romantic? Answer: Meh, I am the ever lovable jerk you may not like, but cant stop loving once you know me either... The anti-part? Dunno, dont care :D

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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F: I AM SO DRUNK AND HORNY I COULD FUCK ANYONE M: Hey, wanna fuck? F: I SAID ANYONE.. Not anything... Heck I got standards! Moral: Heck she has standards! Her dog is someone!

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Hey did you fall from Heaven? Cos I think you are angel. If I'd fallen from anywhere that high I'd be in hospital with serious injuries or dead. Do the logic.

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: Ascending from hell and breaking through the earth's crust.

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-Why is one breast bigger than the other? -because I popped it and all the silicone leaked out

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Guy: Hey is your dad a jeweler? Girl: No, He died a year ago due to a heart condition.

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"Are you my Appendix? Because I have a funny feeling in my stomach that makes me feel like I should take you out." "I charge $80 with anesthesia, $40 without."

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You look just like my sister! That's funny,... CUZ IM A DUDE

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You belong in heaven. So make sure you say hi to God for me.

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Eat me, I'm organic!

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Moral: Hey, how you doing? ;) Woman: Moral? Are you that guy that signs all his posts on horsecrapz network and adds miscellaneous notes? Moral: Yep that's me ;) Woman: OMG LIKE EWWW! Id never do you! Moral: Uh, when did even make such a suggestion? Moral:Well I am married...

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Man: Your tag's showing. It says "Made in Heaven". Woman: *Proceeds to leak period blood into a puddle at the man's feet and walks away in silence*

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: What? Guy:When I drugged you, then dragged you all the way to my place and banged the hell out of your ass? I also managed to get my entire fist in and out of your ass several times. Moral: Wanna go out with me?

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Boy: Wanna go see a movie. Girl: Which movie. Boy: Texas Chainsaw Massicure. Girl: What is it about. Boy: Unicorns and Rainbows. Girl: Let's go!

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You're like a drug to me. why because I'm so addicting?:) No, because you ruined my life.

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Hey girl, I am a rich guy with a huge estate and stuff, while you live under a cardboard box so... Your place or mine? Both, I to your place, and you to mine.

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Hey wanna have sex and get married! ......... sorry.......

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Are you from hogwarts, because I really want to put my basilisk into your chamber of secrets

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Wow! You know, your eyes are like blueberries, wait, can I actually, can I actually, I'm kinda hungry, can I, can I have them?

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Man and woman in bed, as the man looks troubled: Woman: Hey you are not in the mood? Whats wrong? Man looking down his pants: SNAKE! ANSWER ME! SNAKE WHATS WRONG? SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAKEEEEEEEEEEE! Woman: We arent gonna have sex huh? Man looks down pants again: Nuh huh... game over girl... game over...

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You are almost as beautiful as my mother.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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