- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Guy: wow! Why are you naked and on top of me? Girl: What are you talking about! We are at a bar! Guy: Oh sorry I am a psychic and keep getting flashes of the near future...

Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

Man: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? Woman: Did it hurt when they kicked-- sound of gun clicking Woman: Thanks!

If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

At a bar (how creative): Man: I bet you look beautiful behind those tits... Woman: WHAT DO YOU MEAN DONKEYHOLE!?!?!?! Man: Uh... well I mean I really cant see your face and... Moral: Silicone tits are nice too... in MODERATION FFS!

Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rape? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

man: may I impale you on my stake? woman: O.o (for goth girls)

male-"Do you have a rape fetish?" fenale-"No, i don't" male-"Ohh... Well you're not going enjoy this."

Hey baby, I wanna solve your equation with longggg devision! ;)

Man: HELP! HELP! MY PENIS IS GONE! SOMEONE HELP ME FIND IT! Woman: OMG I am a nurse, we must find it before its too late! Where did you last see it? Man: It... it was around inside my pants somewhere... It should not be too hard to find it... cuz its pretty big...

If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

- Did it hurt? - What? - When you were catapaulted from the firey bowels of Hell?

I might not be the best looking guy here but im the only one talking to you

Man: Hey you are so pretty I bet you are a hooker! Woman: Uh.. thanks but no.. Man: Damn... I was hoping to get laid tonight...

Wow! You know, your eyes are like blueberries, wait, can I actually, can I actually, I'm kinda hungry, can I, can I have them?

i'm a doctor.... maybe i can fix that thing you call a face

- Professor Dumbledore, where are we? - You're dead, stupid. Snape trolled you.

Roses are red Violates are blue Get in the van I have a gun.

Guy: Hey is your dad a jeweler? Girl: No, He died a year ago due to a heart condition.

Aww seriously dude? That would be awesome, gotta warn you though, this car repair dude, is really ripping my shirt off but you know, ill send you the bill. 666 (my phone is on the charger, get me a new one and ill write a fucking essay about my sisters ass and post it here I really need a phone)

You smell just like my mom...

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book