I like my women like I like my coffee I drink Tea

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Man: Your body is a tempe! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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Man: GET IN THE VAN! Woman: NO! Man: Well... How about the Limo? Its got beverages and caviar and... Woman: OOH :D Moral: Always go for the limo first,

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Male: Baby, I am God's gift to this earth! Female: Well, if I take a receipt up to Heaven, can I exchange you for someone better?

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On a scale from 1 to 10, can I get your number?

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Order Online Nightwear and short shop online in India

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He: did it hurt? She: when i fell from heaven? He: no. when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down. go put some clothes on.

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Do u remember me from middle school? I could never forget you

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Guy: wow! Why are you naked and on top of me? Girl: What are you talking about! We are at a bar! Guy: Oh sorry I am a psychic and keep getting flashes of the near future...

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- Did it hurt, when you fell from heaven? - Nah, angels like me, have wings.

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Did It Hurt when you fell from heaven? No, because I was already dead.

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Hey gorgeous what are you drinking? Cyanide.

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Boy- is that a mirror in your pants? Girl-? Boy-because i see my self in your pants Girl-oh this, this is a picture of crap!

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-So...wanna come back to my place? -I Dont Know If two people can fit in a box on the street.

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hey i know spanish french german russian and Punjabi. got a talented tongue ;)

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Hey wanna have sex and get married! ......... sorry.......

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Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

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Man: Your tag's showing. It says "Made in Heaven". Woman: *Proceeds to leak period blood into a puddle at the man's feet and walks away in silence*

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You wanna go somewhere? Yeah, where? The Swingers Association.

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: What? Guy:When I drugged you, then dragged you all the way to my place and banged the hell out of your ass? I also managed to get my entire fist in and out of your ass several times. Moral: Wanna go out with me?

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I was born beautiful, But what the hell happened to you!

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Do you believe in rape by first sight? Moral: I think its immoral enough as it is already.

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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F: I AM SO DRUNK AND HORNY I COULD FUCK ANYONE M: Hey, wanna fuck? F: I SAID ANYONE.. Not anything... Heck I got standards! Moral: Heck she has standards! Her dog is someone!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!