Superman: I bet I can bang you faster than the speed of light! Woman: OOOOH! OK DO IT! Superman... uh... I already did it 30 times already... "pant" "pant" Woman: uh... really? Uh... was I suppose to feel anythi... Moral: Since when has fast sex been good sex?

Me. Would you like me to get you a ring for valentines day? Girlfriend: Nothing would make me happier! So I got her nothing...

Is that a banana in your pants? Can I have yours?

Why was the little boy crying? Because he dropped his hamster in the garbage disposal

Are you from tennessee? Because your inbred and retarted.

Boy:do you know to spell "Idiot" with just one word? Girl:how? Boy:U

Guy: Hey is your dad a jeweler? Girl: No, He died a year ago due to a heart condition.

-"Hey babe, you gotta nice ass!" -"Yep, and it doesn't like a rude one staring at it."

Man: Oh crap I don't have a condom Woman: Don't worry I have one

How does a ghost walk through walls? There's normally a door.

What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

Why did the small girl run away? She saw her own coqu in the mirror.

guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

Did you fall from heaven? Because, I believe in the afterlife.

boy - would you like to dance? girl - hell no! boy - I think you misunderstood me. I said you look fat in those pants. girl - That's why I said "Hell No!" girl - I'm trying to deny the fact that I look fat in my pants. boy - damnit! girl - Phew!

For you thinking what is that shit below this comment? Go fuck yourself, for those that wonder why I typed that excellence, well read whatever... So why am I here once a year and type a lot of insanity here? Because I am quitting smoking... AGAIN. So after banging two chicks (one my wife STEAKSAUCE!) I just want a smoke right? RIGHT? To chill the adrenaline... My wife does not smoke (well if you can smoke cock then she is still the best smoker in town) Seriously, Tina has Prince... That explains her breath ugh... I am gonna get one anyways for great justice.

Man: Hello there! I am a gynecologist, may I study your vagina? Woman: NO! Man: DAMN THIS ONE NEVER WORKS! DAMMIT! Moral: Duh...

Girl:Want to go out this Friday? Boy: No I like to stay inside. Girl: No I mean are you free this Friday? Boy:No Im expencive!

Did it hurt when you fell from the whore tree and banged every single guy on your way down?

Put the lotion on the skin!

- Does this napkin smell like chloroform to you? There is no response because she passed out from it and he leaves in order to void suspicion.

I might not be the best looking guy here but im the only one talking to you

Hi, since its our first "Set Time Date" , I want you know I haven't got any STD's

You're so hot, you should wear a burkha over your face.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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