Man and woman in bed, as the man looks troubled: Woman: Hey you are not in the mood? Whats wrong? Man looking down his pants: SNAKE! ANSWER ME! SNAKE WHATS WRONG? SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAKEEEEEEEEEEE! Woman: We arent gonna have sex huh? Man looks down pants again: Nuh huh... game over girl... game over...

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Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

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Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

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I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

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Girl, now I want you to be on top! Okay, what position? DOGGY STYLE! Moral: Sickman Fraud, with that name smart people should listen with one eye open, while geniuses keep their eyes and ears shut.

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Guy - Did it hurt? Girl - Giving birth to my triplets? Yes, it was like shitting a walrus.

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Guy : Hey, there's a party in my pants. Wanna join? ;] Girl : Can't, I'm allergic to crabs.

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Sigh, reminds me I am banging a girl named Tina, and one named Line right? Plus my wife whose name I wont reveal because she matters (Line, Tina, you do not!) Anyway, when people ask me "what the hell was that noise Nero (No idea what Neronism is, fuck him for stealing my name) I tell them "meh I was just screwing Line and Tina" People always go like... Man... YOU DONT HAVE TO LIE TO ME SON! YOU GOT STREET CRED HERE MODAFOCA! Tina and Line? You cant come up with better names SON? EH? If you wanna lie to me again SON, Then you get some original names SON! And I go like... So, can your sister sit down now? And he goes all like SHEET, was that you? Nice score man! And then I went "thats your sister you know that right?" Anyway, you want me now? INSTA ANTI PICKUPLINE... BECAUSE WHO NEEDS PICKUPLINES AT ALL! I AM JUST BEING MEEEEEEEEEEE! AND YOU MIGHT HATE ME!!!!!!! BUT YOU WOMEN STILL END UP TALKING ABOUT HOW YOU HATE THAT GUY YOU FUCKED LAST NIGHT! AND YOUR GIRLFRIENDS! Man... I need another Smoke... SMOKE WINS FAILTALITY. Ps: Yo Harris, stop congratzing me for banging your sister, she is not a nice catch for youz! She is your sistah DUDE! STOP GIVING ME THE THUMBS UPS EVERYTIME SHE COMPLAINS HER ASS IS STILL SORE... I mean does he get it? Or does youz congrats me because you dont understand that Rebecca your "innocent" sister is really into anal something I usually just reserve for the... actually good girls...

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Male: Baby, I am God's gift to this earth! Female: Well, if I take a receipt up to Heaven, can I exchange you for someone better?

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Husband: I will always get breakfast and newspapers in bed AT 5:30 baby, but not wake me when you wake up at 4:30

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Men. We must always hold the door open, Pull the chairs out and pay for our women whilst remembering to treat them as equals.

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Wife: I have a confession to tell you my wife said to me one day... Before we got together I was raped by a masked man and I really liked it. Me: I know.

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My friends just bet me 50 dollars that I couldn't pick you up if I came over and spoke with you, would you like a few free drinks on their money?

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-So...wanna come back to my place? -I Dont Know If two people can fit in a box on the street.

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the word of the day is legs lets go to your house and spread the word

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Man: Your tag's showing. It says "Made in Heaven". Woman: *Proceeds to leak period blood into a puddle at the man's feet and walks away in silence*

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You are almost as beautiful as my mother.

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He: How do you like your eggs in the morning? She: Unfertilised!

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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- I put the STD in STUD, all I need is U - ...

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you know what rhymes with hug me LET'S HAVE SEX

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Hey giiiiiiiiiiirl, I'm no Flinstone but I can make your bedrock.

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As original as it gets: Domestical... Dog with a top hat and monocle: Yap Yap! *wiggles tail* woof woof! Dog?: MEOW!! HISS! *scratches dog and throws her drink at his face or you know... something that increases dramatic tension* and leaves. Dog: HOWL! *whimpers* :( *throws top hat away* Moral: They say every dog has his day, but I do not think this relationship was never meant to work out :(

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Man: Wanna come to my place? Woman: Maybe if you take of the ski-mask and black clothing... Man: But then you'll ruin the surprise! :(

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!