- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

- I put the STD in STUD, all I need is U - ...

Did It Hurt when you fell from heaven? No, because I was already dead.

Male: Did it hurt??? Female: What, when I fell from heaven? Male: No, the first time you did anal!!!

Female: You're hot! Male: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha get in the van.

Man: Hey you are so pretty I bet you are a hooker! Woman: Uh.. thanks but no.. Man: Damn... I was hoping to get laid tonight...

Hi, since its our first "Set Time Date" , I want you know I haven't got any STD's

Man and woman in bed, as the man looks troubled: Woman: Hey you are not in the mood? Whats wrong? Man looking down his pants: SNAKE! ANSWER ME! SNAKE WHATS WRONG? SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAKEEEEEEEEEEE! Woman: We arent gonna have sex huh? Man looks down pants again: Nuh huh... game over girl... game over...

He: How do you like your eggs in the morning? She: Unfertilised!

Stable relationships are for horses.

Don't turn this rape into a murder.

Are you a Potato? Because I love Potatoes.

do you clean your pants with windex cause i can see myself in them

- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

hey i know spanish french german russian and Punjabi. got a talented tongue ;)

boy - would you like to dance? girl - hell no! boy - I think you misunderstood me. I said you look fat in those pants. girl - That's why I said "Hell No!" girl - I'm trying to deny the fact that I look fat in my pants. boy - damnit! girl - Phew!

Man: (in indian accent) HELLO I AM VERY RICH INDIAN MAN, I HAVE COLLECTION OF EXPENSIVE CARS AND LIMOS, I TAKE LADY HOME AND MAKE SWEET LOVE TO HER, THEN GIVE HER LOTSA JEWELS AND MONEY! Woman: Cool ill come home with you. Man: Uh... can you lend me money for the bus?

Hey giiiiiiiiiiirl, I'm no Flinstone but I can make your bedrock.

"Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!" "My parole officer would go nuts!"

Guy: Hey is your dad a jeweler? Girl: No, He died a year ago due to a heart condition.

Men. We must always hold the door open, Pull the chairs out and pay for our women whilst remembering to treat them as equals.

I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

Man: Hello! I am SUPERMAN! And you are so hot you are my Kryptonite! Woman: then you better get lost before you die! Man: Uh well... yeah uh... walks away (in non super speed strangely) Moral: Think things trough sometimes...

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book