Man: Hello there! I am a gynecologist, may I study your vagina? Woman: NO! Man: DAMN THIS ONE NEVER WORKS! DAMMIT! Moral: Duh...

Is that a mirror in your pocket? because I can... Yes actually, it's my new LCD Mirror Screen Protector for my iPhone.

that shirt looks nice on you, it would look better on the floor

guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

Put the lotion on the skin!

Did you fall from heaven because you landed on my wind shield some how

Superman: I bet I can bang you faster than the speed of light! Woman: OOOOH! OK DO IT! Superman... uh... I already did it 30 times already... "pant" "pant" Woman: uh... really? Uh... was I suppose to feel anythi... Moral: Since when has fast sex been good sex?

I might not be the best looking guy here but im the only one talking to you

For you thinking what is that shit below this comment? Go fuck yourself, for those that wonder why I typed that excellence, well read whatever... So why am I here once a year and type a lot of insanity here? Because I am quitting smoking... AGAIN. So after banging two chicks (one my wife STEAKSAUCE!) I just want a smoke right? RIGHT? To chill the adrenaline... My wife does not smoke (well if you can smoke cock then she is still the best smoker in town) Seriously, Tina has Prince... That explains her breath ugh... I am gonna get one anyways for great justice.

Moral: Hey, how you doing? ;) Woman: Moral? Are you that guy that signs all his posts on horsecrapz network and adds miscellaneous notes? Moral: Yep that's me ;) Woman: OMG LIKE EWWW! Id never do you! Moral: Uh, when did even make such a suggestion? Moral:Well I am married...

- Does this napkin smell like chloroform to you? There is no response because she passed out from it and he leaves in order to void suspicion.

men: Do you ride horses, because I'd let you ride me all night!

i'm a doctor.... maybe i can fix that thing you call a face

Boy-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until I heard that horrible pick-up line.

Guy: Happy Birthday Girl: Huh? Guy: You're gonna get raped

How does a ghost walk through walls? There's normally a door.

Girl:Want to go out this Friday? Boy: No I like to stay inside. Girl: No I mean are you free this Friday? Boy:No Im expencive!

What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

Why did the small girl run away? She saw her own coqu in the mirror.

Guy: You must put sugar in your cereal every morning... Girl: Why cause I am so sweet :) Guy: No because you haven't been able to see your toes in at least 20 years...

Boy: You know, just because one is beautiful does not mean that she is intelligent. Girl: Really? Boy: Yeah. But I'd like to tell you that you're a very good exception. Girl: Do you really think so? Boy: Of course! You're already ugly, yet you're so incredibly stupid!

"Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!" "My parole officer would go nuts!"

Hey baby, I wanna solve your equation with longggg devision! ;)

-"Hey babe, you gotta nice ass!" -"Yep, and it doesn't like a rude one staring at it."

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!