hey girl, whats your sign? slippery when wet.

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-Hey baby, are you from Tennessee? Because you're like a solid 7.

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-How did your date go last night? -It was going alright but then I started crying uncontrollably. -Nervous habit? -Pepper spray.

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Hey giiiiiiiiiiirl, I'm no Flinstone but I can make your bedrock.

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- Are you from Tennessee bec- - Yes

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Male: Did it hurt??? Female: What, when I fell from heaven? Male: No, the first time you did anal!!!

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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- I put the STD in STUD, all I need is U - ...

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Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

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you know what rhymes with hug me LET'S HAVE SEX

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Wife: I have a confession to tell you my wife said to me one day... Before we got together I was raped by a masked man and I really liked it. Me: I know.

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Sorry, I don't wanna date a guy who's best pickup line is cocaine.

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are u an angle because i have a boner oh what fail

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Did you gain weight? Because I think your gravitational pull towards me just increased.

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Man: I am willing to give my life for you. Woman: How about you fucking get one instead and rather seek me out then? Moral: M-M-M-Morale breaker!

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Man: Your tag's showing. It says "Made in Heaven". Woman: *Proceeds to leak period blood into a puddle at the man's feet and walks away in silence*

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You look just like my sister! That's funny,... CUZ IM A DUDE

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Man: Hey you are so pretty I bet you are a hooker! Woman: Uh.. thanks but no.. Man: Damn... I was hoping to get laid tonight...

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I have one thing to say to all the woman who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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Man: I would kill anyone at anytime for a kiss from you. Woman: Kill yourself now.

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It that a tsunami in your panties or are you excited to see me.. :)

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Is that a mirror in your pants? We should have sex immediately.

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Man: Wanna come to my place? Woman: Maybe if you take of the ski-mask and black clothing... Man: But then you'll ruin the surprise! :(

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(boy gives flowers to a girl) Girl: Are these for me? Boy: Nope, I just want you to hold them for me for a second..

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!