Hey girl, I am a rich guy with a huge estate and stuff, while you live under a cardboard box so... Your place or mine? Both, I to your place, and you to mine.

Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down

Boy- Did it hurt when you fell- Girl- From heaven?!? AWWW <3 Boy- No the whore tree when you banged every guy on the way down.

Dont people ever get tired of PRETENDING like they dont need others aproval? I NEED APPROVAL I NEED APPROVAL! Moral: I REALLY DO! YEEEEEEEEES BECAUSE...Uh...you matter more than me? Nah, nothing like that, only I matter more than you...

roses are red violets are blue My dog gives me a bigger orgasm then you

Do you work at Subway, because you're giving me a footlong. No actually, I once had a job at a local Quizno's Sub Shop. However a tragic fire killed several employees and customers at this very location. I survived, but lost have permanent Third-Degree burns across my body. My life is ruined, prick.

Let me stick it in...just once baby...that's all I'll need. ;)

You're so hot, you should wear a burkha over your face.

Boy-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until I heard that horrible pick-up line.

"Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!" "My parole officer would go nuts!"

Guy: Happy Birthday Girl: Huh? Guy: You're gonna get raped

Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I would be in prison.

Girl, if your body was for sale... ...ID BUY THAT FOR A DOLLAR! Moral: Thank you Robocop.

Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

A blond, a brunette and a black haired girl are all stuck on an island....stupid women.

Moral: Hey, how you doing? ;) Woman: Moral? Are you that guy that signs all his posts on horsecrapz network and adds miscellaneous notes? Moral: Yep that's me ;) Woman: OMG LIKE EWWW! Id never do you! Moral: Uh, when did even make such a suggestion? Moral:Well I am married...

Man: Oh crap I don't have a condom Woman: Don't worry I have one

Batman bravely leaps in front of the Robin: Bats: WATCH OUT FOR THAT GAY-RAY! *Bats suddenly grabs Robin and starts making out with him* Bats: I am sorry, I cannot stop it... I... Robin: I am underage so maybe it was a pedo-ray or something... Joker: What gay ray? What pedo ray? It was suppose to disintegrate you! But whatever, I win. Moral: It was a looong trip back home.

No more morals? I read his crap for hours! Moral: ;( Bye man.

I have a knife, Maddie. Get in the van.

Girl:Want to go out this Friday? Boy: No I like to stay inside. Girl: No I mean are you free this Friday? Boy:No Im expencive!

Woman- is your penis erect? Male- no just FULL SIZED Woman- woah

guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

your boobs are bigger than my nose

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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