A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

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- Professor Dumbledore, where are we? - You're dead, stupid. Snape trolled you.

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Did It Hurt when you fell from heaven? No, because I was already dead.

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"Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!" "My parole officer would go nuts!"

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The word of the day is legs. Lets go to your place and spread the word

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- I'd do anything for you. - Die.

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M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

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"Are you a parking ticket?" "What?" "You’ve got fine written all over you"

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Guy: Did you use Windex on your pants? Girl: No, why? Guy: Because I see myself in your pants.

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Hi, since its our first "Set Time Date" , I want you know I haven't got any STD's

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Seriously tho mah bebeh... Did you ask for a Pepsi or mah cocka-colah?

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Let me stick it in...just once baby...that's all I'll need. ;)

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Girl: Are you a doctor? Because I think I have the flu. *sneeze*

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Guy:Are you wearing space pants, cause that ass is out of this world! Girl:No, they're baseball pants, cuz this ass is out of your league.

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Did you fall from heaven? Because, I believe in the afterlife.

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Hey lady, you're really, really cute! Let's go out in the woods, GET NAKED and have sex!

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause you d*** sure look like a demon!

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Baby if you were homework, I would do you all the time

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Roses are red violets are blue i got a gun get in the van!

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-You wanna get laid tonight? -You wanna never have sex again?

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Female: You're hot! Male: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha get in the van.

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boy - would you like to dance? girl - hell no! boy - I think you misunderstood me. I said you look fat in those pants. girl - That's why I said "Hell No!" girl - I'm trying to deny the fact that I look fat in my pants. boy - damnit! girl - Phew!

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Man enters bar and does a lot of magic tricks, all the prettiest women are extremely impressed: Girls: WOW! We would do anything to see more of that! Guy: Uh... damn I forgot what to do after this... Moral: Screw the game man, its a stupid book, just be your moronic self and someone will like you for the lovely disgusting moron that you are... by the way you lost the game :D

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!