Wow! You know, your eyes are like blueberries, wait, can I actually, can I actually, I'm kinda hungry, can I, can I have them?

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Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

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Hey giiiiiiiiiiirl, I'm no Flinstone but I can make your bedrock.

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Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I would be in prison.

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Are you from tennessee? Because your inbred and retarted.

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Girl, now I want you to be on top! Okay, what position? DOGGY STYLE! Moral: Sickman Fraud, with that name smart people should listen with one eye open, while geniuses keep their eyes and ears shut.

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- I put the STD in STUD, all I need is U - ...

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Girl, if your body was for sale... ...ID BUY THAT FOR A DOLLAR! Moral: Thank you Robocop.

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Guy: Happy Birthday Girl: Huh? Guy: You're gonna get raped

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I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

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bitch: I like it when guys punch me. Me: I love it when you shut the hell up and leave.

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-Your father must be an alien because your out of this world -More like out of your league

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He: How do you like your eggs in the morning? She: Unfertilised!

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GEDDINTHEFRIGGENCAR

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roses are red violets are blue My dog gives me a bigger orgasm then you

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What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

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Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

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- Did it hurt? - What? - When you were catapaulted from the firey bowels of Hell?

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Let me stick it in...just once baby...that's all I'll need. ;)

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-How did your date go last night? -It was going alright but then I started crying uncontrollably. -Nervous habit? -Pepper spray.

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your boobs are bigger than my nose

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Male: Did it hurt??? Female: What, when I fell from heaven? Male: No, the first time you did anal!!!

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Hey girl, want to meet the guy with the largest dick in town ;)? Wow yeah sure! Yeah that would be like cool rite? Moral: The biggest? *looks down pants* Meh!

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Man: Hey you are so pretty I bet you are a hooker! Woman: Uh.. thanks but no.. Man: Damn... I was hoping to get laid tonight...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!