Guy: Where have you been all my life? Girl: In my room hiding from you.

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excuse me my eyes are up here thats great........where are your nipples

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, i would put U and G and L and Y together because that is what you are.

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Did you gain weight? Because I think your gravitational pull towards me just increased.

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Hey girl, is your name Ethiopian food? Because your playing hard to get.

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Woman: Hey is it true you black men have big penises? Black Man: Hell yeah woman! Mine is so big, its at least three times longer than my fist and at least 4 times as wide! Lets go get some hoe! Woman: Uh... well uh... its just that... uh... Moral: Be careful for what you wish for, when fantasy becomes reality... it may hurt....

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Are u in the army cause u make my private stand at attention.

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You like my boobies ;) Girl: I said no you disgusting fat bastard! Moral: What fucking kind of MOTHERFUCKING MORAL are you expecting to find here?!?

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Why did the small girl run away? She saw her own coqu in the mirror.

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Did it hurt when you fell from the whore tree and banged every single guy on your way down?

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what's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?

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Man: HELP! I am dying of disease and have only one day left to live! My only wish... "sob" is to procreate... to have a son or a daughter... Woman: Aww... well maybe I can help you... Man: :D I cant believe it (tears in eyes) Woman: What are you dying of? Man: Aids... Woman proceeds to disappear in a ball of smoke. Moral of the story: Dunno find it yourself ffs I dont even know why people read this crap... funny typing it though.. thumbs ups for that :D

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I wish I was your math momework, because then I would be really hard and you'd be doing me on the desk.

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- if I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U next to Y, just why

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"Are you my Appendix? Because I have a funny feeling in my stomach that makes me feel like I should take you out." "I charge $80 with anesthesia, $40 without."

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Guy: Hey :) Guy: Hey to you too :) Don't jump to conclusions people. They're gay.

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I have one thing to say to all the woman who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rapee? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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there is a 50% chance that we make s** tonight from my side i agree

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Man: GASP! Why is my penis inside your vagina? Why do you keep thrusting and screami... Woman: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ASSHOLE! Man: Uh... what where am... Oh... Forgive me, I am a psychic and I keep getting premonitions of the near future... Moral: GASP WHAT ARE YOU FEMALE READERS DOING WITH MY PINGAS INSIDE YOUR MOUTH!

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Men. We must always hold the door open, Pull the chairs out and pay for our women whilst remembering to treat them as equals.

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-"Hey babe, you gotta nice ass!" -"Yep, and it doesn't like a rude one staring at it."

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you look like my mother

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!