Hey girl, is your name Ethiopian food? Because your playing hard to get.

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How much do you love me? Look at the stars and count them Bu-but it's afternoon Exactly

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my girlfriend is really insecure about her weight so much so that I'm thinking about detaching the reverse alarm

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- If i could rearange the alphabet i'd puit you and i together. - That's not necessary because N and O are already together.

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F: I AM SO DRUNK AND HORNY I COULD FUCK ANYONE M: Hey, wanna fuck? F: I SAID ANYONE.. Not anything... Heck I got standards! Moral: Heck she has standards! Her dog is someone!

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Guy: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Girl: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together

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Guy: You must put sugar in your cereal every morning... Girl: Why cause I am so sweet :) Guy: No because you haven't been able to see your toes in at least 20 years...

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-Why is one breast bigger than the other? -because I popped it and all the silicone leaked out

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How much does a whales weigh? How much? Just enough to make you look skinny.

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Man: Your tag's showing. It says "Made in Heaven". Woman: *Proceeds to leak period blood into a puddle at the man's feet and walks away in silence*

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I might not be the best looking guy here but im the only one talking to you

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Male: Paper or plastic? Female: What? Male: Paper or plastic, you know, to put over your head.

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Are you from hogwarts, because I really want to put my basilisk into your chamber of secrets

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hey girl, whats your sign? slippery when wet.

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No more morals? I read his crap for hours! Moral: ;( Bye man.

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Wow! You know, your eyes are like blueberries, wait, can I actually, can I actually, I'm kinda hungry, can I, can I have them?

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Do you why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

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Hello children! :D

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On a scale from 1 to 10, can I get your number?

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Eat me, I'm organic!

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: What? Him: When you fell out of the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down?

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Female: I don't need to rearrange the alphabet, N and O are already together!

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Hey baby wana come over for dinner? Sure whats cookin? Your dead body after I kill ur ugly face derrp

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Moral: Hey, how you doing? ;) Woman: Moral? Are you that guy that signs all his posts on horsecrapz network and adds miscellaneous notes? Moral: Yep that's me ;) Woman: OMG LIKE EWWW! Id never do you! Moral: Uh, when did even make such a suggestion? Moral:Well I am married...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!