- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

guy: do you like sea food? girl: hell yes, I got crabs, would you like some

Pointless truth? Man: Hey, there is always a really slutty dressed woman at every bar with a cowboy hat, fake tits and really spread legs, why? Woman: To get ignored. Moral: SUUUUUUUUUUUUURE!

Every breath you take Every move you make Every bond you break Every step you take I'll be watching you Every single day Every word you say Every game you play Every night you stay I'll be watching you

my girlfriend is really insecure about her weight so much so that I'm thinking about detaching the reverse alarm

Man: Is your name sherly? Woman: No... Man: because id like to Fuc* you in the ass and call you sherly

- Does this napkin smell like chloroform to you? There is no response because she passed out from it and he leaves in order to void suspicion.

Hey girl, is your name Ethiopian food? Because your playing hard to get.

sHe; Theirs a "L" in love. he; and theirs a L in Lick my penis.

Are you an angel? 'Cause you're the only ten I see.

Hey big girl ;), why you alone? You ate all of your friends?

It that a tsunami in your panties or are you excited to see me.. :)

Husband: I will always get breakfast and newspapers in bed AT 5:30 baby, but not wake me when you wake up at 4:30

"Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!" "My parole officer would go nuts!"

-"Hey babe, you gotta nice ass!" -"Yep, and it doesn't like a rude one staring at it."

Wife: I have a confession to tell you my wife said to me one day... Before we got together I was raped by a masked man and I really liked it. Me: I know.

Man: Your tag's showing. It says "Made in Heaven". Woman: Proceeds to leak period blood into a puddle at the man's feet and walks away in silence

How does a ghost walk through walls? There's normally a door.

-Your the hottest girl i have ever met -I'm a man

Girl, now I want you to be on top! Okay, what position? DOGGY STYLE! Moral: Sickman Fraud, with that name smart people should listen with one eye open, while geniuses keep their eyes and ears shut.

bitch: I like it when guys punch me. Me: I love it when you shut the hell up and leave.

Are you from hogwarts, because I really want to put my basilisk into your chamber of secrets

HELLO I AM BORAT! MISHIMUSH! I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE THE MOVIE OF MAKING THE RAPE OF THE AMERICAN WOMAN! WILL YOU HELP US? Woman: NO!!!!!! Oh... ok Mishimush! We make the other Movie then, BORAT THE CRUSHINGS OF AMERICA.

boy - would you like to dance? girl - hell no! boy - I think you misunderstood me. I said you look fat in those pants. girl - That's why I said "Hell No!" girl - I'm trying to deny the fact that I look fat in my pants. boy - damnit! girl - Phew!

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book