Hey :) Hi Do you like me? :) No :'( You never asked if i loved you... Awhhhh do you love me :) No

thumb_up thumb_down +10

F: I AM SO DRUNK AND HORNY I COULD FUCK ANYONE M: Hey, wanna fuck? F: I SAID ANYONE.. Not anything... Heck I got standards! Moral: Heck she has standards! Her dog is someone!

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Man: I bet you havent seen a really big dick before ;) ;) Woman: No... but I have seen yours... The man proceeds to stare at the floor and leaves in shame...

thumb_up thumb_down +2

- I put the STD in STUD, all I need is U - ...

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Man: Comon babe a little BJ wont hurt anyone get down..... Woman: sorry im alergic to peanuts

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Man: Wanna come to my place? Woman: Maybe if you take of the ski-mask and black clothing... Man: But then you'll ruin the surprise! :(

thumb_up thumb_down -76

Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Female: I don't need to rearrange the alphabet, N and O are already together!

thumb_up thumb_down -94

-Hey baby, are you from Tennessee? Because you're like a solid 7.

thumb_up thumb_down -49

-You wanna get laid tonight? -You wanna never have sex again?

thumb_up thumb_down -65

-How did your date go last night? -It was going alright but then I started crying uncontrollably. -Nervous habit? -Pepper spray.

thumb_up thumb_down -71

Are you from hogwarts, because I really want to put my basilisk into your chamber of secrets

thumb_up thumb_down -10

He: How do you like your eggs in the morning? She: Unfertilised!

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Is that a mirror in your pants? We should have sex immediately.

thumb_up thumb_down -50

Male: Did it hurt??? Female: What, when I fell from heaven? Male: No, the first time you did anal!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +33

My friends just bet me 50 dollars that I couldn't pick you up if I came over and spoke with you, would you like a few free drinks on their money?

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Excuse me, is the red bike outside yours? Because it is parking illegally, I'll have to take your details so I can report you to the authorities...

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Guy : Hey, there's a party in my pants. Wanna join? ;] Girl : Can't, I'm allergic to crabs.

thumb_up thumb_down -41

Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

thumb_up thumb_down -123

Whatever I'll just date myself.

thumb_up thumb_down +64

Me: Have you ever dreamed, of owning a thousand sparkly gems? Woman: No why? You got some? Me: No, but now but now we can dream together t under the sparkling stars under the sky... Moral: Hey, she said aww... And touched my hand before chatting with her friend... and as I turned my hand... was a piece of paper, with a written number...

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Q: How did the baby cross the road A: He was stapled to the chicken

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Your the penisbutter to my vagmite;)

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Roses are red Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!