He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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You wanna go somewhere? Yeah, where? The Swingers Association.

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Man: Wanna come home watch my REALLY big stamp collection? ;) ;) Girl: Sure ;) ;) At home: Man: Why are you taking your clothes off? Girl: Uh... nevermind... Moments later: Man: And this one is a rare misprint from 1980, and this one is actually quite common but.., Girl: Sigh... :(

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I am sick of pretty girls, I want something sick smelly disgusting, fat or anorexic, with a personality that kills flowers and that makes me vomit... I guess you will have to do for now. :( Moral: At least she was not the perfect match huh? Always look at the bright side of eternal darkness.

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Hey wanna have sex and get married! ......... sorry.......

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4 out of 5 people enjoy being gangraped

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You are the personification of beauty. ,..Wanna Shag?

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Man : Wanna go to my house tonight? Woman : I'm not sure if a rock can fit 2 people inside.

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I have a knife, Maddie. Get in the van.

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Hey girl, ever tried a double dildo with a man before? ;)

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Guy : your looking well! Girl: awh thanks Guy: You must have shaved this morning.....waaaaaay

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- Are you from Tennessee bec- - Yes

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Whatever I'll just date myself.

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I'm desperate, you'll do.

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Is that a mirror in your pants? We should have sex immediately.

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There's a reason why they call my penis the Bunker Buster.

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Boy: You know, just because one is beautiful does not mean that she is intelligent. Girl: Really? Boy: Yeah. But I'd like to tell you that you're a very good exception. Girl: Do you really think so? Boy: Of course! You're already ugly, yet you're so incredibly stupid!

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My friend and I flipped a coin to see who will ask you out and I won.

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Men. We must always hold the door open, Pull the chairs out and pay for our women whilst remembering to treat them as equals.

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Girl: I AM SICK of being with you! All you do is invite me to watch sports, and all you have ever treated me to is a six pack of beer and snacks! YOU NEVER TAKE ME SOMEWHERE NICE! Man: Hey hold one man! Get a grip! What do you mean? Girl: We have been dating for over 3 weeks and you have not made a single move on me! Man: Uh... this is awkward buddy, you see I am straight and... Girl: I AM A WOMAN! Man: WHAAAAAAAAAAAT? Really?! NOOOOOOOOOOO!! I mean you have short hair and the biggest mantits I have seen but... Girl: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Man; But hey, if you have a pussy that is the important par... Hey where did he... I mean she or... whatever go?

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Man - I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk. Woman - Not mine!

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You're so hot, you should wear a burkha over your face.

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Man: DTF Cutey? Woman: DTF off Asshole?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!