Sorry Nero, this is still Golgo 12, I am trying to reach you here as the other place is down, I can see why some people consider you insane, sorry to admit I left the order by the time you left as well, Eliza was the only one that could keep up with your stuff, the rest well you know... So point zero is some kind of elysum now huh? For real? And you rule there? I mean I never doubted your wisdom, but six million people living some kinda new world order at point zero? Thats hard to believe.

-I heard you broke up :). -Yes, cookies to put in my ice cream!

How much do you love me? Look at the stars and count them Bu-but it's afternoon Exactly

I have a knife, Maddie. Get in the van.

A blond, a brunette and a black haired girl are all stuck on an island....stupid women.

HONEY! I SEE MEDUSA!!!!!!!!!!! oh wait, it was just you

Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

In the USA: Man: Hello, I am half Iraq and half Afghanistan, my name is Osama Bin Allah! Girl: Oh... Uh em... I do not mind you nor anything but, you are like uh... civilized and stuff right? Just asking! Man: Of course miss, so how many camels to get into your pussy? Girl: OMG! Man: WAIT YOU MISHEAR ME! I SAY HOW MANY CARAMELS TO GET INTO YOUR... never mind... Moral: USA discovers they do not have nuclear weapons and then gives them nuclear reactors?

-Hi miss are you a catchup? -hey is this some corny pick-up line?,,,okay fine. why? -because I want to dip my hotdog to you

Batman bravely leaps in front of the Robin: Bats: WATCH OUT FOR THAT GAY-RAY! *Bats suddenly grabs Robin and starts making out with him* Bats: I am sorry, I cannot stop it... I... Robin: I am underage so maybe it was a pedo-ray or something... Joker: What gay ray? What pedo ray? It was suppose to disintegrate you! But whatever, I win. Moral: It was a looong trip back home.

Me. Would you like me to get you a ring for valentines day? Girlfriend: Nothing would make me happier! So I got her nothing...

Guy - Did it hurt? Girl - Giving birth to my triplets? Yes, it was like shitting a walrus.

Boy-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until I heard that horrible pick-up line.

the word of the day is legs lets go to your house and spread the word

Woman- is your penis erect? Male- no just FULL SIZED Woman- woah

what's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?

Flipping a coin to give you my number or not to give you my number

-Want my number? -I already know it. It's 1. -Phone numbers have more then one digit... -Oh, I thought we were referring to your IQ level...my bad.

man: you look like my favorite girl. Girl: is that so? Man: yupp, best dog i ever had.

2 fake blondes hitting on me. blondes: we're twins! me: so where are you from? blonde1: canada! blonde2 (at the same time): finland!

I have never dated a horse-faced woman before :)

he: hey,do you have a phone? she: yeah! why,do you want it? he: no,you should consider selling it and doing a plastic surgery with the money.

- Hey, I have 40 minutes to live and need to feel the touch of a woman to live. -I'm a dude.

-Adam, am I the only girl in your life? -Who else is there?

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!