Man: Honestly! I am just desperate, and besides you are damn hot! Woman: Lets go to your place ;) Moral: This works, the anti-part is that no one will believe me nor try it themselves... Incredible how the easiest way is the least used...

thumb_up thumb_down +86

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door. Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut. And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

thumb_up thumb_down +66

Why did the small girl run away? She saw her own coqu in the mirror.

thumb_up thumb_down +60

Roses are red Violets are gold Get on your knees And do what your told

thumb_up thumb_down +52

B: Hey C do you wanna go out with me? C: Sorry B I only go out with guy's who come after me

thumb_up thumb_down +50

-As I slipped my finger in her hole I could feel her getting wetter and wetter, When I pulled it out she was going down on me. I should probably start looking for a new boat...

thumb_up thumb_down +38

-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? -I'm an atheist.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

HE: You must have some hot buns. SHE: Yeah? HE: Cause you got a real butterface to go with them.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

I can tell you are single. How? Because you're ugly

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Man: Would you like to dance? Woman: Hell No! Man: I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me. I said - You look fat in those pants!

thumb_up thumb_down +6

-Good afternoon miss, would you care to try our new line of perfume? -Sure what's it called? -Chloroform...

thumb_up thumb_down -4

-Hi miss are you a ketchup? -hey is this some corny pick-up line?,,,okay fine. why? -because I want to dip my hot dog to you

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Woman: Hey is it true you black men have big penises? Black Man: Hell yeah woman! Mine is so big, its at least three times longer than my fist and at least 4 times as wide! Lets go get some hoe! Woman: Uh... well uh... its just that... uh... Moral: Be careful for what you wish for, when fantasy becomes reality... it may hurt....

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Dont people ever get tired of PRETENDING like they dont need others aproval? I NEED APPROVAL I NEED APPROVAL! Moral: I REALLY DO! YEEEEEEEEES BECAUSE...Uh...you matter more than me? Nah, nothing like that, only I matter more than you...

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Girls hate me, they always discuss about how they regret fucking with me over and over again. Moral: Thumb me down, I know ya love me.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

I'll punch ya!

thumb_up thumb_down +79

Hey girl, want to meet the guy with the largest dick in town ;)? Wow yeah sure! Yeah that would be like cool rite? Moral: The biggest? *looks down pants* Meh!

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Man: Yoyoyoy my lady wanna get some? Mirror: yoyoyoy my lady wanna get some? Man: SHIET!!! This never works! Moral: Take a look at yourself before you break yourself! By the time you start looking, sounding, feeling and even smelling awesome in the mirror, then the girls will feel the same way about you, no kidding.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Him: What's it like in Hell? Her: Why are you asking me that? Him: Because you're the devil and I know where the f*ck you came from; I can see you're horny.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Man: GET IN THE VAN! Woman: NO! Man: Well... How about the Limo? Its got beverages and caviar and... Woman: OOH :D Moral: Always go for the limo first,

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Are you a Potato? Because I love Potatoes.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

excuse me my eyes are up here thats great........where are your nipples

thumb_up thumb_down -31

A: Wanna go get some pizza and then have sex at my place?? B: No.. B: U don't like pizza? Some chinees then?

thumb_up thumb_down +72

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!